[Kaveh's out here giving Matsui less of a hard time than Buzen and yet Matsui's about to just DUMP CATHOLIC GUILT ALL OVER HIS GOOD HOUSE IN THANKS.
Which is to say, he nearly flinches at the words, his clasped hands tightening on reflex until the visible knuckles of his ungloved hand are white.]
--Please, don't. [He hates the kind words people have given him today, when the weight of Rin's death still hangs so heavy over him. I'm sorry, with sympathy. Understanding. People refusing to accept when he states over and over that he deserves none of it.]
As part of a team, I share the burden of guilt for what has happened. We must all carry the weight of Rin's death, moving forward. Nothing can alter the course of actions that have already taken place, but at the very least, you must understand that this is penance.
[Ah, well. For better or for worse, Kaveh completely understands the sentiment. He's the last person to tell Matsui that it wasn't his fault, that he shouldn't feel bad; he knows, better than most, that that pain is comfort. That sometimes you need to cling to your guilt, or else you'll drift away.
Matsui's words spur him into moving, finally--to sitting next to him, gazing up at the stained glass.]
Far be it from me to take your responsibility from you. [That's not his right. If Rin's team wants to extend their forgiveness, they can--but even then, Kaveh thinks, it's Matsui's choice when to accept it, and how much.]
[Matsui is truly feeling a certain kind of way about how kind everyone has been to him so far. Frankly, he would have preferred if Kaveh came at him guns a-blazin', because it's always easier to face down fury or disdain or hatred than the softness of unwarranted forgiveness. That's something he could never, ever wish for.
But he's satisfied enough with this, at least. No arguing. No trying to get him to change his mind. No telling him about another, different perspective on the situation, which he can't relate to because he's too used to being the way that he is.
He's quiet, listening as Kaveh sits beside him, and looks toward the altar.]
...Is there anything that I can do...?
[To help Kaveh, whose expression he can't see but whose Vibes he can Feel.]
[Unfortunately, Matsui's vibes are too dang similar to his own, and his SELF-LOATHING doesn't take the shape of rage and vengeance. But he won't, at the very least, impose unwanted sentiment on him; sentiment that, quite honestly, he won't even say Matsui deserves. His rage has cooled, but that doesn't mean that that anger and hurt aren't still there.
But his feelings don't matter, in the end. He's not the one who lost a teammate. He can't claim that suffering from Rin's team. From Haru. So it's not a difficult question to answer.]
The way Matsui would be feeling much more balanced if Froggystyle came after his head BUT NO!!!!! He hates it here the people are too good.
He considers this for a moment, fingers latticed.]
If we won. But victory in this game builds on the blood of others.
[Which he doesn't think Rin would want, and he frankly wants no part of it either! Meaning that here, like in life, there's really no way to undo what's already been done.]
So beyond making amends for those who wish for such things, repenting is the only thing that can be done, through blood spilled and through actions taken moving forward.
[Sometimes you're dealing with two partial-humans and a sports anime protag and they're just not cut out for normal emotions like arguably justifiable rage.
He sighs.]
It wouldn't be guaranteed even then, if I understand correctly. [With winning, he means. So it's not like there'd be any point in anyone going on a massive killing spree for resurrection purposes, not that he thinks that's particularly likely anyway.
[AND A SPORTS ANIME PROTAG. Haru really is a fuckin freakyass alien though.]
It would not be. Only with enough points would it be possible.
[And that is a nebulous end goal, considering they have no idea where their standings are in the point system with the Reapers being so secretive about their numbers, and they don't even really know what earns them points beyond killing.
The question has him feeling grateful he's still blind, though. Somehow, it makes his expressions feel more cloaked, too, even if he can still be seen. Object permanence...]
...I don't want my team to be erased. [A largely useless distinction, considering:] As it stands, that is the same as "winning". But to do so at the cost of every life here... Even if the winning team doesn't personally erase every opposing player, they must still bear the weight of those lost lives that created their path to victory.
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Which is to say, he nearly flinches at the words, his clasped hands tightening on reflex until the visible knuckles of his ungloved hand are white.]
--Please, don't. [He hates the kind words people have given him today, when the weight of Rin's death still hangs so heavy over him. I'm sorry, with sympathy. Understanding. People refusing to accept when he states over and over that he deserves none of it.]
As part of a team, I share the burden of guilt for what has happened. We must all carry the weight of Rin's death, moving forward. Nothing can alter the course of actions that have already taken place, but at the very least, you must understand that this is penance.
["Don't spare me the sympathy", in more words.]
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Matsui's words spur him into moving, finally--to sitting next to him, gazing up at the stained glass.]
Far be it from me to take your responsibility from you. [That's not his right. If Rin's team wants to extend their forgiveness, they can--but even then, Kaveh thinks, it's Matsui's choice when to accept it, and how much.]
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But he's satisfied enough with this, at least. No arguing. No trying to get him to change his mind. No telling him about another, different perspective on the situation, which he can't relate to because he's too used to being the way that he is.
He's quiet, listening as Kaveh sits beside him, and looks toward the altar.]
...Is there anything that I can do...?
[To help Kaveh, whose expression he can't see but whose Vibes he can Feel.]
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But his feelings don't matter, in the end. He's not the one who lost a teammate. He can't claim that suffering from Rin's team. From Haru. So it's not a difficult question to answer.]
Not unless you can bring him back.
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The Vibes™
The way Matsui would be feeling much more balanced if Froggystyle came after his head BUT NO!!!!! He hates it here the people are too good.
He considers this for a moment, fingers latticed.]
If we won. But victory in this game builds on the blood of others.
[Which he doesn't think Rin would want, and he frankly wants no part of it either! Meaning that here, like in life, there's really no way to undo what's already been done.]
So beyond making amends for those who wish for such things, repenting is the only thing that can be done, through blood spilled and through actions taken moving forward.
[For what little good it ultimately does.]
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He sighs.]
It wouldn't be guaranteed even then, if I understand correctly. [With winning, he means. So it's not like there'd be any point in anyone going on a massive killing spree for resurrection purposes, not that he thinks that's particularly likely anyway.
But he's quiet, then, for a little bit.]
...Do you want your team to win?
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It would not be. Only with enough points would it be possible.
[And that is a nebulous end goal, considering they have no idea where their standings are in the point system with the Reapers being so secretive about their numbers, and they don't even really know what earns them points beyond killing.
The question has him feeling grateful he's still blind, though. Somehow, it makes his expressions feel more cloaked, too, even if he can still be seen. Object permanence...]
...I don't want my team to be erased. [A largely useless distinction, considering:] As it stands, that is the same as "winning". But to do so at the cost of every life here... Even if the winning team doesn't personally erase every opposing player, they must still bear the weight of those lost lives that created their path to victory.