[To his credit, he listens--even though it's hard. It feels, ironically, like fighting to breach the surface of deep water, but he tries to keep his ears and heart open.
Kaveh does not react well to being hurt. But he is good at putting himself on the backburner. So he tries. For Buzen, who has been so kind to him all week--so openly caring, even before that--who sounds so uncharacteristically furious now--he tries as hard as he can to temper his own devastation.
Buzen might not notice, caught up in his own feelings as he is, but it's clear from Kaveh's face that he hadn't considered that. He'd barely even looked at that part of the rulebook, really; all of it was just so far removed from anything he'd ever consider. He hadn't accounted for a scenario like this. The idea that one's own teammates might betray them so thoroughly, might trap them in this kind of pain... it's hard to grasp.
But emotions are so, so messy. Perhaps if it had been someone else--another victim, another team, another person standing in front of him--he would be able to take all of this in, to turn toward comfort. It hurts to see Buzen so upset, after all. He is, in some ways, almost as much of a victim as Rin's teammmates. But if it were that easy to settle a heart, everything, everywhere, would be so much simpler.
Buzen didn't ask for this. He tried. And yet, it still feels like a betrayal.]
...I can't. [Can't deal with the look on Buzen's face, can't stand the anger in his voice. Not when he's got so much built-up anger and grief of his own. It's not that he doesn't believe it--but he's in no shape to articulate his feelings right now, let alone take any action. He feels like he's just as liable to punch Buzen as he is to pull him into a hug, which means he needs to go and clear his head. He knows himself that well, if nothing else.] I'll--[He shakes his head, wrapping his arms around himself.] Later.
[Gootbye he will forgive you later maybe perhaps... we will see]
[buzen has lied for the sake of humanity before. he's done his betrayals and his backstabbings - the occasional front stabbing as well. it always made his stomach turn, but he was pretty good at hiding that for the sake of others. focusing on saving matsui from his personal hell. hiding away the difficult tasks from samidare.
it's harder now, when it's just himself and kaveh. there are no gous to hide his own feelings behind.
he breathes out - quick to anger and then quick to calm, in the rare moments that he does feel that flash of rage burn at him - and he just watches the way that kaveh seems to crumble in front of him. automatically, there is empathy.
this must be awfully hard on him.
buzen's expression smooths out into something concerned and worried, right up until the point that kaveh just says that he can't. well, buzen's never been the type to force things. still, he's too honest - and that's been the problem all day, he's just too damn honest - to keep the flash of shame from passing through his expression.]
... okay. Later. You find me, if you're ever ready.
[and he'll raise his hands in a gesture of not intending harm before being the one to walk away
the ache of the red string is instant. the pain of something else comes after. buzen tells himself that he deserves both.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Kaveh does not react well to being hurt. But he is good at putting himself on the backburner. So he tries. For Buzen, who has been so kind to him all week--so openly caring, even before that--who sounds so uncharacteristically furious now--he tries as hard as he can to temper his own devastation.
Buzen might not notice, caught up in his own feelings as he is, but it's clear from Kaveh's face that he hadn't considered that. He'd barely even looked at that part of the rulebook, really; all of it was just so far removed from anything he'd ever consider. He hadn't accounted for a scenario like this. The idea that one's own teammates might betray them so thoroughly, might trap them in this kind of pain... it's hard to grasp.
But emotions are so, so messy. Perhaps if it had been someone else--another victim, another team, another person standing in front of him--he would be able to take all of this in, to turn toward comfort. It hurts to see Buzen so upset, after all. He is, in some ways, almost as much of a victim as Rin's teammmates. But if it were that easy to settle a heart, everything, everywhere, would be so much simpler.
Buzen didn't ask for this. He tried. And yet, it still feels like a betrayal.]
...I can't. [Can't deal with the look on Buzen's face, can't stand the anger in his voice. Not when he's got so much built-up anger and grief of his own. It's not that he doesn't believe it--but he's in no shape to articulate his feelings right now, let alone take any action. He feels like he's just as liable to punch Buzen as he is to pull him into a hug, which means he needs to go and clear his head. He knows himself that well, if nothing else.] I'll--[He shakes his head, wrapping his arms around himself.] Later.
[Gootbye he will forgive you later maybe perhaps... we will see]
no subject
it's harder now, when it's just himself and kaveh. there are no gous to hide his own feelings behind.
he breathes out - quick to anger and then quick to calm, in the rare moments that he does feel that flash of rage burn at him - and he just watches the way that kaveh seems to crumble in front of him. automatically, there is empathy.
this must be awfully hard on him.
buzen's expression smooths out into something concerned and worried, right up until the point that kaveh just says that he can't. well, buzen's never been the type to force things. still, he's too honest - and that's been the problem all day, he's just too damn honest - to keep the flash of shame from passing through his expression.]
... okay. Later. You find me, if you're ever ready.
[and he'll raise his hands in a gesture of not intending harm before being the one to walk away
the ache of the red string is instant. the pain of something else comes after. buzen tells himself that he deserves both.]
no subject