[ no sweet kaveh!!!! why was he homeless? why was he living in a bar? livio gapes as this memory plays out, not really understanding what's happening. just that kaveh carried so much guilt and pain with him, and was too ashamed of himself to ask for help, or be honest. until his old friend came. ]
After the sorts of memories he's seen so far, it feels a little ridiculous to be so mortified about this. His pain, his problems, are so small compared to the burdens that other people are carrying with them. But there are certain parts of Kaveh's life that he's tucked so deeply away, and this is one of those things. He can't help how violating it feels, having such a vulnerable, secret time of his life thrown into the light.
At least it's just Livio, though. Livio's already seen him pathetic and miserable, and Kaveh knows, simply from what he's heard from Wolfwood--and Vash, to a lesser degree--that it's likely nothing he's been through is anything close to what they've had to deal with all their lives.
So, even though he's awkward and hesitant, he'll tell him.]
...It may be difficult to understand. [Livio is so kind, but Kaveh isn't sure he's the sort of person who understands the desperate need to create, the feeling of being starved for artistic freedom. It's not a bad thing by any means--he just knows it may seem... a little absurd, from the outside.] But, in simple terms... the most important thing I've ever created was destroyed halfway through by The Withering. In order to rebuild it, I sold everything I had and borrowed to make up the rest. So, when it was finally completed...
[ livio doesn't think of it in those terms! it's hard to top no man's land for sheer horribleness, but it's heartening, and refreshing in a way, to know that other people's worlds aren't as bad. it doesn't mean he thinks less of their problems. anyway, homelessness is a real issue!! okay!!! ]
And.... they didn't pay ya for it? Or anything?
[ it's true that he doesn't understand, but wonders how nobody else would have helped him. aside from that man who took him into the tavern.... ]
[ also, the feeling of having no one, being utterly alone.... well, that's relatable in every world. ]
[That's because Livio is a sweetheart, thinks Kaveh, who believes he is at fault for and thus deserves every bad thing that has ever happened to him.]
They did, in the beginning. She, rather. But budgets and contracts and such are established in advance, you know. To Dori, the project was a sunk cost. I'm the one who begged her to let me rebuild it, so it was my responsibility to come up with the funds. She was actually gracious enough to loan me the rest of the money--she didn't have to do that.
[Only Kaveh would defend the worst character in Sumeru]
And it was... [...] It was supposed to be magnificent. It wasn't anything like a small house in the city.
[It was the realization of a dream. His ideals put into solid form. He's the one who couldn't let it go.]
Well--you know, there were places to sleep on the work site. I usually do that when I'm overseeing a large project anyway. And Tighnari is very sweet, he always has a spare room for unexpected visits. So it really wasn't that bad.
...About six months. [He says, eventually.] Some of the materials were salvaged, and we already had contracts in place with certain vendors. So it moved more quickly than it did the first time.
Mm. [For the record this is headcanon it's all very vague about how long this period was so MY CITY NOW] We rebuilt over the course of those six months--and once the project was completed, I stayed with Tighnari for a little while, and then... [Then he was terrified and depressed and lonely as fuck but he doesn't want to say that, because it feels pathetic.] ...then I redesigned Lambad's second floor as thanks, and I stayed there until Alhaitham ran into me there.
[ pixi can do whatever she wants forever. just like kaveh. except kaveh can't be homeless and sad, that is illegal ]
[ livio can sort of, read a little between the lines, in between what he knows of kaveh and his memory ]
Ya know, Mister Kaveh.... Yer always doing such kind stuff for other people. It's not bad to rely on others sometimes, especially when something so important ta ya is on the line...
[ his project, which he became homeless over ]
Did he help you out?
[ he has that 'is a huge jerk with a soft spot for selfless friend' vibe like someone else we know cough cough but livio is prepared to disapprove if alhaitham wasn't good to kaveh >:( ]
But yeah it's hysterical Vashwood and Haikaveh are genuinely just AUs of each other. This is why Kaveh loves them so much, though he is biased and convinced that Wolfwood is nicer than Alhaitham.]
...He did. [He can admit that, even though it's clearly very difficult for him.] I've been staying with him since then. I'm trying to save up to move out.
[ but yes, the vibes do seem quite similar.... wolfwood is a jerk with a heart of gold, but livio idolizes him so he'd truly have nothing but good things to say about him ]
Good.
[ alhaitham is good for something!! ] How did your project go...? [ all his hard work paid off, right ]
[Truly they are the least reliable narrators in the world when it comes to their people.
But finally, Kaveh's expression shifts to something more pleasant--not a smile, exactly, but something nostalgic and proud, almost like a parent reflecting on a child.]
It went perfectly the second time. It's my magnum opus, at least for now. I can show you next time we go to the virtual reality room, if you'd like.
Well, I would be much of a famous architect if I let my dreams be fulfilled with a single project, would I?
[It's been difficult to show it, here, what with all the loss and pain and sorrow, with the ultimatum that they face, something so difficult for Kaveh to contend with--but he truly is passionate about life, at the end of the day. He never viewed that part of himself as a weakness until he got here.]
Tell me--if you could live in any sort of place, what would it look like?
[ kaveh is refreshing, frankly. almost everyone from no man's land is a scrapper, just doing their best to survive, ready to do whatever they need to. it's not about looking forward to what's coming in life. it's only really about survival. there are a few exceptions to the rule that he can think of, but even they come with heavy baggage. ]
[ he has not really thought about this ]
I think.... [ he doesn't really think he has the right to go back, but if this is just wishful thinking ] ... the orphanage. But with a farm, a pool, water..... greenhouses.... the things we have here, like video games. A sturdy shelter fueled by the sun... something like that.
[It does feel good to talk about, honestly. It's nice to be reminded of a reason to keep going, beyond just trying to drag as many people to the finish line as he can before he inevitably collapses. Livio's answer makes him smile--and more than that, it summons ideas to mind, like fresh sprouts through winter soil.]
That sounds beautiful.
[I forgot this was w4 monday help WE CAN END THIS ONE HERE IF YOU WANT]
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ohthehumanities) wrote2023-06-10 01:09 pm
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Mister Kaveh... can I ask....
[ what is happening ]
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After the sorts of memories he's seen so far, it feels a little ridiculous to be so mortified about this. His pain, his problems, are so small compared to the burdens that other people are carrying with them. But there are certain parts of Kaveh's life that he's tucked so deeply away, and this is one of those things. He can't help how violating it feels, having such a vulnerable, secret time of his life thrown into the light.
At least it's just Livio, though. Livio's already seen him pathetic and miserable, and Kaveh knows, simply from what he's heard from Wolfwood--and Vash, to a lesser degree--that it's likely nothing he's been through is anything close to what they've had to deal with all their lives.
So, even though he's awkward and hesitant, he'll tell him.]
...It may be difficult to understand. [Livio is so kind, but Kaveh isn't sure he's the sort of person who understands the desperate need to create, the feeling of being starved for artistic freedom. It's not a bad thing by any means--he just knows it may seem... a little absurd, from the outside.] But, in simple terms... the most important thing I've ever created was destroyed halfway through by The Withering. In order to rebuild it, I sold everything I had and borrowed to make up the rest. So, when it was finally completed...
[He had nothing, and nowhere to go.]
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And.... they didn't pay ya for it? Or anything?
[ it's true that he doesn't understand, but wonders how nobody else would have helped him. aside from that man who took him into the tavern.... ]
[ also, the feeling of having no one, being utterly alone.... well, that's relatable in every world. ]
no subject
They did, in the beginning. She, rather. But budgets and contracts and such are established in advance, you know. To Dori, the project was a sunk cost. I'm the one who begged her to let me rebuild it, so it was my responsibility to come up with the funds. She was actually gracious enough to loan me the rest of the money--she didn't have to do that.
[Only Kaveh would defend the worst character in Sumeru]
And it was... [...] It was supposed to be magnificent. It wasn't anything like a small house in the city.
[It was the realization of a dream. His ideals put into solid form. He's the one who couldn't let it go.]
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[ livio has a hard time relating to this, but.... he understands wanting to see something through. no matter what. ]
How long did ya live like that for, Mister Kaveh?
[ did his boyfriend who he is tsundere help him out in the end? ]
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[But he shifts awkwardly, like he knows he's holding back and feels a little guilty about it.]
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[ suspicious!! ]
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Well--you know, there were places to sleep on the work site. I usually do that when I'm overseeing a large project anyway. And Tighnari is very sweet, he always has a spare room for unexpected visits. So it really wasn't that bad.
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[ tilting his head. watching these awkward shifts. gently calling him out ]
... Ya can be honest with me, ya know.
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...About six months. [He says, eventually.] Some of the materials were salvaged, and we already had contracts in place with certain vendors. So it moved more quickly than it did the first time.
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[ kavehhhhhh. ]
And I'm glad ya had a friend that would take ya in. What happened after it was rebuilt?
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[Which was that memory.]
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[ livio can sort of, read a little between the lines, in between what he knows of kaveh and his memory ]
Ya know, Mister Kaveh.... Yer always doing such kind stuff for other people. It's not bad to rely on others sometimes, especially when something so important ta ya is on the line...
[ his project, which he became homeless over ]
Did he help you out?
[ he has that 'is a huge jerk with a soft spot for selfless friend' vibe like someone else we know cough cough but livio is prepared to disapprove if alhaitham wasn't good to kaveh >:( ]
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But yeah it's hysterical Vashwood and Haikaveh are genuinely just AUs of each other. This is why Kaveh loves them so much, though he is biased and convinced that Wolfwood is nicer than Alhaitham.]
...He did. [He can admit that, even though it's clearly very difficult for him.] I've been staying with him since then. I'm trying to save up to move out.
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[ but yes, the vibes do seem quite similar.... wolfwood is a jerk with a heart of gold, but livio idolizes him so he'd truly have nothing but good things to say about him ]
Good.
[ alhaitham is good for something!! ] How did your project go...? [ all his hard work paid off, right ]
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But finally, Kaveh's expression shifts to something more pleasant--not a smile, exactly, but something nostalgic and proud, almost like a parent reflecting on a child.]
It went perfectly the second time. It's my magnum opus, at least for now. I can show you next time we go to the virtual reality room, if you'd like.
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[ but even if livio isn't an architect himself and can't relate to this, it is nice to see kaveh so proud of something ]
Always outdoing yerself...?
I'd love ta see it.
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[It's been difficult to show it, here, what with all the loss and pain and sorrow, with the ultimatum that they face, something so difficult for Kaveh to contend with--but he truly is passionate about life, at the end of the day. He never viewed that part of himself as a weakness until he got here.]
Tell me--if you could live in any sort of place, what would it look like?
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[ (affectionate) ]
[ kaveh is refreshing, frankly. almost everyone from no man's land is a scrapper, just doing their best to survive, ready to do whatever they need to. it's not about looking forward to what's coming in life. it's only really about survival. there are a few exceptions to the rule that he can think of, but even they come with heavy baggage. ]
[ he has not really thought about this ]
I think.... [ he doesn't really think he has the right to go back, but if this is just wishful thinking ] ... the orphanage. But with a farm, a pool, water..... greenhouses.... the things we have here, like video games. A sturdy shelter fueled by the sun... something like that.
no subject
That sounds beautiful.
[I forgot this was w4 monday help WE CAN END THIS ONE HERE IF YOU WANT]