[TRULY STARTERS ON MEMSHARE WEEK ARE JUST "Void. pig. GO."
Wherever they are and whatever they're doing, they will suddenly get AMBUSHED BY PIG NOISE (POISE). At which time, Livio can have this memory, which I'm sure is 100x less wild than anything happening in Trigun.]
[ no sweet kaveh!!!! why was he homeless? why was he living in a bar? livio gapes as this memory plays out, not really understanding what's happening. just that kaveh carried so much guilt and pain with him, and was too ashamed of himself to ask for help, or be honest. until his old friend came. ]
After the sorts of memories he's seen so far, it feels a little ridiculous to be so mortified about this. His pain, his problems, are so small compared to the burdens that other people are carrying with them. But there are certain parts of Kaveh's life that he's tucked so deeply away, and this is one of those things. He can't help how violating it feels, having such a vulnerable, secret time of his life thrown into the light.
At least it's just Livio, though. Livio's already seen him pathetic and miserable, and Kaveh knows, simply from what he's heard from Wolfwood--and Vash, to a lesser degree--that it's likely nothing he's been through is anything close to what they've had to deal with all their lives.
So, even though he's awkward and hesitant, he'll tell him.]
...It may be difficult to understand. [Livio is so kind, but Kaveh isn't sure he's the sort of person who understands the desperate need to create, the feeling of being starved for artistic freedom. It's not a bad thing by any means--he just knows it may seem... a little absurd, from the outside.] But, in simple terms... the most important thing I've ever created was destroyed halfway through by The Withering. In order to rebuild it, I sold everything I had and borrowed to make up the rest. So, when it was finally completed...
[ livio doesn't think of it in those terms! it's hard to top no man's land for sheer horribleness, but it's heartening, and refreshing in a way, to know that other people's worlds aren't as bad. it doesn't mean he thinks less of their problems. anyway, homelessness is a real issue!! okay!!! ]
And.... they didn't pay ya for it? Or anything?
[ it's true that he doesn't understand, but wonders how nobody else would have helped him. aside from that man who took him into the tavern.... ]
[ also, the feeling of having no one, being utterly alone.... well, that's relatable in every world. ]
[That's because Livio is a sweetheart, thinks Kaveh, who believes he is at fault for and thus deserves every bad thing that has ever happened to him.]
They did, in the beginning. She, rather. But budgets and contracts and such are established in advance, you know. To Dori, the project was a sunk cost. I'm the one who begged her to let me rebuild it, so it was my responsibility to come up with the funds. She was actually gracious enough to loan me the rest of the money--she didn't have to do that.
[Only Kaveh would defend the worst character in Sumeru]
And it was... [...] It was supposed to be magnificent. It wasn't anything like a small house in the city.
[It was the realization of a dream. His ideals put into solid form. He's the one who couldn't let it go.]
Well--you know, there were places to sleep on the work site. I usually do that when I'm overseeing a large project anyway. And Tighnari is very sweet, he always has a spare room for unexpected visits. So it really wasn't that bad.
...About six months. [He says, eventually.] Some of the materials were salvaged, and we already had contracts in place with certain vendors. So it moved more quickly than it did the first time.
Mm. [For the record this is headcanon it's all very vague about how long this period was so MY CITY NOW] We rebuilt over the course of those six months--and once the project was completed, I stayed with Tighnari for a little while, and then... [Then he was terrified and depressed and lonely as fuck but he doesn't want to say that, because it feels pathetic.] ...then I redesigned Lambad's second floor as thanks, and I stayed there until Alhaitham ran into me there.
[Looks at my other trigun memshares. Damn. That's awkward
If this had happened before some of the things Kaveh's seen this week, he'd probably have a much more volatile reaction. Paralyzing shock, maybe, as he'd had with Ylfa; panic, like he'd done with Fei Du; cry, like he'd done with Vash--granted, he'd been drunk that time, though it's likely he would've reacted similarly all the same. But after the barrage of horrors he's witnessed from other people, it's starting to get... not easier to watch, because it's never easy to see the people he cares about suffering, even if he can't do anything about it now. But--easier to calm himself down, even just a little.
It's still startling, of course, and overwhelming--Kaveh, despite his losses and hardships, has lived such a different life from someone like Livio, and even a week of being assaulted by memories can't desensitize him so quickly. It takes him a minute to catch his breath once the images and sensations fade, and his hand rises, reflexively clutching at his chest as the phantom pain fades; but his first instinct, by now, is to look at Livio, to make sure he hasn't been sucked back into the throes of pain. If there's anything Kaveh is truly good at beyond his work, it's putting other people before himself.]
[ kaveh's guess is correct, though! upon seeing this, livio freezes up, and it's clear from one look at him that he's reliving this memory in his head. he's frozen up, breathing extremely unevenly, hand over his head. kaveh isn't even here right now, as far as he's concerned ]
[ i'm sorry for this tag he'll be more responsive next tag!! ]
The saving grace here is that Kaveh already been through this once, with someone else--it makes it a little easier to overcome what he saw, everything else thrown out in favor of taking care of someone he cares about.]
[He wants to reach out, but he doesn't know if he should or not--not for his own sake, but because he doesn't want to startle Livio. So he just hovers, trying to keep his concern on the backburner in favor of seeming calm and soothing. He's not exactly a professional, so it's not a perfect effort, but he tries.]
[Well, no, he shouldn't have--but he doesn't think of it the same way Livio does. His expression shifts to something a little pained, and he shakes his head.]
...I'm sorry. It shouldn't have been taken from you.
[Aside from the, you know, death and murder--that's what he hates the most about this place. He's so sick of everything being torn from their hands and thrown out into the open like this.]
[ kaveh!!!! he's always so kind. livio was sure he'd want nothing to do with him after seeing something like this, so he's still watching kaveh's expression carefully, but ]
[ why is his first reaction always to apologize...? ]
[Because everything is his fault forever--no okay. He does feel that way a lot, but this time it's more of... a general apology about the horrible circumstances they're in, rather than misplaced guilt. The reapers won't say it, and whoever designed the game won't either, so. He will.
He relaxes a little when it seems like Livio's calming down, though; he's glad for it, because not only does he not want Livio to suffer, but he also doesn't really know what to do when someone is caught up in their memories that way. He'd been useless last time, so unprepared for the horrific onslaught of it. This was hard to experience too, of course--but in a different way.
...]
We don't have to talk about it. [First and foremost. This isn't the same as Livio opening up the door, sharing this information willingly--under those circumstances, maybe Kaveh would ask questions. But for things like this, he wants to wrest back as much agency as control as he can, for the both of them.]
[ livio wouldn't wish this on his worst enemy, let alone a kind soul like kaveh. but he's still.... wary. waiting for the other shoe to drop. he can't be that accepting.... can he? ]
[Sometimes... you are basically normie but then you see a lot of fucked up shit in a very short amount of time and your perception of the world changes.
He does hesitate, looking a little unsure--though for more reasons than Livio might think.
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ohthehumanities) wrote2023-06-10 01:09 pm
Week 4, Monday
Wherever they are and whatever they're doing, they will suddenly get AMBUSHED BY PIG NOISE (POISE). At which time, Livio can have this memory, which I'm sure is 100x less wild than anything happening in Trigun.]
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Mister Kaveh... can I ask....
[ what is happening ]
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After the sorts of memories he's seen so far, it feels a little ridiculous to be so mortified about this. His pain, his problems, are so small compared to the burdens that other people are carrying with them. But there are certain parts of Kaveh's life that he's tucked so deeply away, and this is one of those things. He can't help how violating it feels, having such a vulnerable, secret time of his life thrown into the light.
At least it's just Livio, though. Livio's already seen him pathetic and miserable, and Kaveh knows, simply from what he's heard from Wolfwood--and Vash, to a lesser degree--that it's likely nothing he's been through is anything close to what they've had to deal with all their lives.
So, even though he's awkward and hesitant, he'll tell him.]
...It may be difficult to understand. [Livio is so kind, but Kaveh isn't sure he's the sort of person who understands the desperate need to create, the feeling of being starved for artistic freedom. It's not a bad thing by any means--he just knows it may seem... a little absurd, from the outside.] But, in simple terms... the most important thing I've ever created was destroyed halfway through by The Withering. In order to rebuild it, I sold everything I had and borrowed to make up the rest. So, when it was finally completed...
[He had nothing, and nowhere to go.]
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And.... they didn't pay ya for it? Or anything?
[ it's true that he doesn't understand, but wonders how nobody else would have helped him. aside from that man who took him into the tavern.... ]
[ also, the feeling of having no one, being utterly alone.... well, that's relatable in every world. ]
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They did, in the beginning. She, rather. But budgets and contracts and such are established in advance, you know. To Dori, the project was a sunk cost. I'm the one who begged her to let me rebuild it, so it was my responsibility to come up with the funds. She was actually gracious enough to loan me the rest of the money--she didn't have to do that.
[Only Kaveh would defend the worst character in Sumeru]
And it was... [...] It was supposed to be magnificent. It wasn't anything like a small house in the city.
[It was the realization of a dream. His ideals put into solid form. He's the one who couldn't let it go.]
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[ livio has a hard time relating to this, but.... he understands wanting to see something through. no matter what. ]
How long did ya live like that for, Mister Kaveh?
[ did his boyfriend who he is tsundere help him out in the end? ]
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[But he shifts awkwardly, like he knows he's holding back and feels a little guilty about it.]
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[ suspicious!! ]
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Well--you know, there were places to sleep on the work site. I usually do that when I'm overseeing a large project anyway. And Tighnari is very sweet, he always has a spare room for unexpected visits. So it really wasn't that bad.
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[ tilting his head. watching these awkward shifts. gently calling him out ]
... Ya can be honest with me, ya know.
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...About six months. [He says, eventually.] Some of the materials were salvaged, and we already had contracts in place with certain vendors. So it moved more quickly than it did the first time.
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[ kavehhhhhh. ]
And I'm glad ya had a friend that would take ya in. What happened after it was rebuilt?
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[Which was that memory.]
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ALSO DROPPING THIS ON YOU SEPARATELY so we don't interrupt the other thread
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If this had happened before some of the things Kaveh's seen this week, he'd probably have a much more volatile reaction. Paralyzing shock, maybe, as he'd had with Ylfa; panic, like he'd done with Fei Du; cry, like he'd done with Vash--granted, he'd been drunk that time, though it's likely he would've reacted similarly all the same. But after the barrage of horrors he's witnessed from other people, it's starting to get... not easier to watch, because it's never easy to see the people he cares about suffering, even if he can't do anything about it now. But--easier to calm himself down, even just a little.
It's still startling, of course, and overwhelming--Kaveh, despite his losses and hardships, has lived such a different life from someone like Livio, and even a week of being assaulted by memories can't desensitize him so quickly. It takes him a minute to catch his breath once the images and sensations fade, and his hand rises, reflexively clutching at his chest as the phantom pain fades; but his first instinct, by now, is to look at Livio, to make sure he hasn't been sucked back into the throes of pain. If there's anything Kaveh is truly good at beyond his work, it's putting other people before himself.]
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[ kaveh's guess is correct, though! upon seeing this, livio freezes up, and it's clear from one look at him that he's reliving this memory in his head. he's frozen up, breathing extremely unevenly, hand over his head. kaveh isn't even here right now, as far as he's concerned ]
[ i'm sorry for this tag he'll be more responsive next tag!! ]
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The saving grace here is that Kaveh already been through this once, with someone else--it makes it a little easier to overcome what he saw, everything else thrown out in favor of taking care of someone he cares about.]
Livio? Livio! Can you hear me?
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[ it takes a minute, but he seems to come out of it, still clutching his head. ]
Fuck--- Fuck. Sorry, Mister Kaveh.
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Are you back with me?
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Yes, I'm... here. You shouldn't have .... had to see that....
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...I'm sorry. It shouldn't have been taken from you.
[Aside from the, you know, death and murder--that's what he hates the most about this place. He's so sick of everything being torn from their hands and thrown out into the open like this.]
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[ kaveh!!!! he's always so kind. livio was sure he'd want nothing to do with him after seeing something like this, so he's still watching kaveh's expression carefully, but ]
[ why is his first reaction always to apologize...? ]
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He relaxes a little when it seems like Livio's calming down, though; he's glad for it, because not only does he not want Livio to suffer, but he also doesn't really know what to do when someone is caught up in their memories that way. He'd been useless last time, so unprepared for the horrific onslaught of it. This was hard to experience too, of course--but in a different way.
...]
We don't have to talk about it. [First and foremost. This isn't the same as Livio opening up the door, sharing this information willingly--under those circumstances, maybe Kaveh would ask questions. But for things like this, he wants to wrest back as much agency as control as he can, for the both of them.]
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[ quiet, for a moment. ]
.... If ya have questions, ya can ask.
[ he'll say that much. permission! agency ]
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He does hesitate, looking a little unsure--though for more reasons than Livio might think.
Carefully--]
Are you... [...] still with those people?
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