But also--it's a bad joke, but it's so unexpected that it startles a weak, pained laugh out of him. It's enough to draw him out of the black void of his thoughts, and he slumps back a little, like a puppet with cut strings.]
I know. [God. He looks around the room in a slight daze, as if he isn't quite sure how they got here. He lifts his hand, wiping the tears away from his face.] ...It doesn't feel real.
[ ...he's so, so soft-hearted. she can't fault him for that. (in a way, that makes him resilient, too. to be able to keep standing after having that same heart constantly bruised and battered.)
she nods. ]
Definitely more a nightmare than reality.
[ ... ]
I'm not sure anyone wants an audience to their death, but I can't help but think it might be worse if no one were here to see it.
[...That's true, he thinks. It's equal parts horrifying and comforting, knowing that the people you've come to know are there to watch your final moments. At least these past weeks have had something akin to dignity, unlike the very first one.
It's a very empty sort of "at least."
He thinks of Buzen--killed at Libby's hands, alone in the night. He couldn't even wake Matsui up to say goodbye properly. He thinks of Rang, who'd so clearly been hurt before, who lashed out so that no one could get close enough to do it again.]
I knew it was coming. But it wasn't supposed to be like this.
[Matsui was supposed to have the dignity of choice. It should've brought him relief, not fear. Not more pain.]
[ what a terrible thing it is, to have no respite even in death. what a terrible thing, that it wasn't matsui's love for buzen that had killed him but his rage and grief. that rang could not even die with the only person left in the world he could trust.
how awful it is that nobody can do anything more for them, but to remember their final, violent moments, and go on like they never happened. ]
Let's hope they've gone to a much better place to this.
But Kaveh's quiet for a little while, those words turning over in his mind. He wants, so badly, to believe that she's right. That Buzen and Matsui and Rang, that Rin and Hikari are at peace--and maybe someday, he'll have the kindness to wish that for D, and Libby, and Yang Guifei too.
But not today. Maybe not ever. Kaveh's never had to consider the fate of someone who spilled the blood of those he cares about before. The only person who's ever done that is him.
Softly:]
...What did you think it would be like? [Death, the afterlife. Things like that.]
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ohthehumanities) wrote2023-06-11 03:52 pm
no subject
Hi, Kaveh.
...You don't need to map out this place, by the way.
[ a bad, terrible, awful joke, but honestly what do you even say in a situation like this ]
no subject
But also--it's a bad joke, but it's so unexpected that it startles a weak, pained laugh out of him. It's enough to draw him out of the black void of his thoughts, and he slumps back a little, like a puppet with cut strings.]
I know. [God. He looks around the room in a slight daze, as if he isn't quite sure how they got here. He lifts his hand, wiping the tears away from his face.] ...It doesn't feel real.
no subject
she nods. ]
Definitely more a nightmare than reality.
[ ... ]
I'm not sure anyone wants an audience to their death, but I can't help but think it might be worse if no one were here to see it.
[ if not worse, then sadder perhaps. ]
no subject
It's a very empty sort of "at least."
He thinks of Buzen--killed at Libby's hands, alone in the night. He couldn't even wake Matsui up to say goodbye properly. He thinks of Rang, who'd so clearly been hurt before, who lashed out so that no one could get close enough to do it again.]
I knew it was coming. But it wasn't supposed to be like this.
[Matsui was supposed to have the dignity of choice. It should've brought him relief, not fear. Not more pain.]
no subject
[ what a terrible thing it is, to have no respite even in death. what a terrible thing, that it wasn't matsui's love for buzen that had killed him but his rage and grief. that rang could not even die with the only person left in the world he could trust.
how awful it is that nobody can do anything more for them, but to remember their final, violent moments, and go on like they never happened. ]
Let's hope they've gone to a much better place to this.
[ smashcut to the gy on fire ]
no subject
But Kaveh's quiet for a little while, those words turning over in his mind. He wants, so badly, to believe that she's right. That Buzen and Matsui and Rang, that Rin and Hikari are at peace--and maybe someday, he'll have the kindness to wish that for D, and Libby, and Yang Guifei too.
But not today. Maybe not ever. Kaveh's never had to consider the fate of someone who spilled the blood of those he cares about before. The only person who's ever done that is him.
Softly:]
...What did you think it would be like? [Death, the afterlife. Things like that.]