I heard it, too. It makes sense to me, that people's hands are being forced.... [ there are so many people here that don't want to murder. wild. would never happen in trigun ]
[ but boy does he ever resent d for his choices. d, who could find the beauty in anything that wasn't human, but was willing to kill an innocent human child, for what? being slightly selfish? ]
[ some very, very black emotions threaten to slip past his barrier of forced calm, but ultimately, livio's able to push them back to refocus on kaveh ]
It doesn't, no. Especially since he was her friend, too.
Do you think so? [He frowns a little, toying with his fork.] I thought... I don't know. It doesn't seem like the reapers--or whoever else--care about us at all. I would've thought it wouldn't matter, so long as there's a winning team.
[Like... it seems like more work to push them into playing? It seems like it would almost be easier for those in charge if nobody really had the ambition to stab. Then again, What does he know? Who knows who's watching this "game" of theirs. Maybe it matters more that they're not boring.
That thought sends a fresh wave of righteous fury through him, though Kaveh's also recedes--not because he pulls it back, but because he's still too upset about the whole Buzen situation.
He sighs softly, shoulders curling inward a little.]
...It's been a long time since I lost someone. [Softly.] I'm not used to it anymore.
Don't think it's the Reapers. [ livio doesn't think they really get a say in anything. they're just there to do their job ] But... I think somethin' else is going on.
[ the subtle changes in the rulebook have set livio on edge, even though nothing about murder has been added this week. it never sat with him well ]
[ oh, kaveh...... livio sympathizes, but privately thinks that kaveh is going to have to get used to it. still.... livio didn't have anyone to lose, for such a long time. and now.... ]
Pretty shitty thing to be used to. [ thinking of vash now. woof. unfortunately, he can't offer any words of comfort, because he doesn't think it's going to get better and he doesn't have it in him to pretend ] Sorry.
[Hmm. Well, they already know that there are higher-ups, some kind of complicated system or network that's overseeing all of this. The problem Kaveh's run into is the reapers' insistence that there's no way to get to those people. If the reapers can't help them, and they can't get to the people who can, he doesn't know what else he can do.
He wants to try. He owes it to Buzen, whom he'd been so cruel to in his anger and grief over Rin. To Matsui, even if Matsui doesn't survive to see it. But it's hard, feeling so helpless. Kaveh's gotten too used to being around people who have all the answers, who have the power to make change. It's a little funny, all things considered.
He shakes his head slightly.]
It's okay. It was a long time ago. [Even so, there's a different kind of sorrow there--old and wreathed in immovable guilt.]
[ livio is similarly antsy, but unlike kaveh, he has the opposite experience. of being powerless, under someone else's thumb. it makes sense to him that the reapers can't help him because they're ultimately just pawns for some kind of higher force ]
Kaveh just nods quietly, though, because Livio's right. if he's honest, he's more used to being hurt than he is to being happy--but that's exactly why he tries not to be honest. What kind of person wants to drag their friends down with them?
It's reflex to take a deep breath, to try and sort his emotions out into something less like stifling sadness. He doesn't force a happy demeanor--it feels wrong to do that today, for Buzen's sake--but he tries to at least temper that old mourning.]
They can. But living with that is just part of life. [Sometimes life is 80% pain and that's just how it be]
[ livio can relate to that. he's got a pretty naturally gloomy and quiet personality, he just tries to be optimistic because it's what vash would do. he tries hard! sometimes he just doesn't have it in him, though ]
[ like right now. he continues not to have any words of comfort for kaveh ]
Yeah. So we'll have to go on.... for Buzen's sake, too. Right?
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ohthehumanities) wrote2023-06-10 01:09 pm
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[ but boy does he ever resent d for his choices. d, who could find the beauty in anything that wasn't human, but was willing to kill an innocent human child, for what? being slightly selfish? ]
[ some very, very black emotions threaten to slip past his barrier of forced calm, but ultimately, livio's able to push them back to refocus on kaveh ]
It doesn't, no. Especially since he was her friend, too.
no subject
[Like... it seems like more work to push them into playing? It seems like it would almost be easier for those in charge if nobody really had the ambition to stab. Then again, What does he know? Who knows who's watching this "game" of theirs. Maybe it matters more that they're not boring.
That thought sends a fresh wave of righteous fury through him, though Kaveh's also recedes--not because he pulls it back, but because he's still too upset about the whole Buzen situation.
He sighs softly, shoulders curling inward a little.]
...It's been a long time since I lost someone. [Softly.] I'm not used to it anymore.
[That hollow devastation.]
no subject
[ the subtle changes in the rulebook have set livio on edge, even though nothing about murder has been added this week. it never sat with him well ]
[ oh, kaveh...... livio sympathizes, but privately thinks that kaveh is going to have to get used to it. still.... livio didn't have anyone to lose, for such a long time. and now.... ]
Pretty shitty thing to be used to. [ thinking of vash now. woof. unfortunately, he can't offer any words of comfort, because he doesn't think it's going to get better and he doesn't have it in him to pretend ] Sorry.
no subject
He wants to try. He owes it to Buzen, whom he'd been so cruel to in his anger and grief over Rin. To Matsui, even if Matsui doesn't survive to see it. But it's hard, feeling so helpless. Kaveh's gotten too used to being around people who have all the answers, who have the power to make change. It's a little funny, all things considered.
He shakes his head slightly.]
It's okay. It was a long time ago. [Even so, there's a different kind of sorrow there--old and wreathed in immovable guilt.]
no subject
[ livio is similarly antsy, but unlike kaveh, he has the opposite experience. of being powerless, under someone else's thumb. it makes sense to him that the reapers can't help him because they're ultimately just pawns for some kind of higher force ]
[ just trigun things ]
[ also weh kaveh ]
Old things can still hurt.
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Kaveh just nods quietly, though, because Livio's right. if he's honest, he's more used to being hurt than he is to being happy--but that's exactly why he tries not to be honest. What kind of person wants to drag their friends down with them?
It's reflex to take a deep breath, to try and sort his emotions out into something less like stifling sadness. He doesn't force a happy demeanor--it feels wrong to do that today, for Buzen's sake--but he tries to at least temper that old mourning.]
They can. But living with that is just part of life. [Sometimes life is 80% pain and that's just how it be]
no subject
[ like right now. he continues not to have any words of comfort for kaveh ]
Yeah. So we'll have to go on.... for Buzen's sake, too. Right?
[ that's the best he got ]