[IS Kaveh okay... that's the question of the hour... but only because it's exceedingly obvious that Matsui is not okay and probably NEVER WILL BE AGAIN, WOW. WHO DID THIS TO OUR MATSUI!!!!!!!!
Anyway, Kaveh is here at the small park, sitting under one of the crosses. He's got paper, a brush, and two tubes of paint, and he is touching NONE OF THEM because he's just drinking wine straight from the bottle, radiating sorrow and guilt.]
[ livio still has his aura of forced calm, but he will approach kaveh and sit down next to him. not even asking permission. is this character development? ]
[I'm so proud of Livio's character development. Kaveh would be too if he wasn't MISERABLE!!! HIS RED STRING PARTNER!!!!
Livio, at least, gets him to put the bottle down, though he doesn't even bother to try a smile in greeting. Maybe that, too, is development.]
Livio. [There's a hint of relief at seeing him safe, even though his name hadn't been announced. He's quiet for a moment.] ...I can't believe he's gone.
[There's such a difference between knowing, logically, that someone could, will, die during the night, and waking up to their absence in the morning. Every week, it's gotten harder and harder.]
[ it's okay kaveh just don't become an alcoholic. you aren't a trigun character ]
[ livio has that same aura of 'awkwardly hovering while trying to be comforting', but now he is sitting next to kaveh. this is truly character development. ]
I'm sorry.
[ buzen was a nice guy. they must have been close. not to mention how open and empathetic kaveh is, just as a person. also, all murdergame characters are born with the innate knowledge that dana is a villain ]
[ livio is a little heartened that kaveh chooses to lean against him..... he kind of stays still like he's trying to be a very excellent pillow of support ]
He doesn't seem the type to hold grudges over somethin' like that.
[ livio means that in the nicest way possible. head empty sword.. ]
He wasn't. [He'd agreed with Kaveh, even. Kaveh hadn't been happy with him for that either, a d couldn't even bring himself to explain his wildly illogical feelings.] That makes it worse.
[That, of all things, makes Kaveh laugh--an exhausted, self-deprecating little sound, accompanied by a swell of shame and self-hatred. He lifts the bottle of wine, taking another drink.]
You haven't seen me at my worst. [In fairness, he knows he wasn't at his worst with Buzen either. He was furious, yes, but more than that, he was desperate--desperate to believe that the kind person he'd been glued to all week hadn't betrayed him in such a way. Still, Kaveh's always had a horrible habit of lashing out when he's hurt in such a personal way. This is not the first time he's broken off a friendship and regretted it later, but this time, there's no chance of rekindling it.]
I accused him of trying to protect Rin's killer. And even--even after that execution, I told him I was still angry at him. That I knew he'd tried to help, but that I thought he should've tried harder. He agreed with me. And then I just--left it like that.
[He'd been so glad to have a few days of space after the red string effect went away, and then he'd been so caught up in trying to shield people from his emotions, and then... then he woke up in the morning and it was too late.]
[ putting his hand on kaveh's hand after that last swig. please do not drink yourself to death he is concerned ]
I dunno, Mister Kaveh. Even if ya did get angry and lash out, it's not like you were trying to be cruel. Trust me. I know cruel people. [ there is a tiny thread of self-hatred here, gone in less than a second. ] And I know Buzen felt awful about it, I think he beat himself up more than ya ever could.
[ there's nothing to be said about regrets, though. nothing that livio can offer that he thinks would really help kaveh. it is too late to talk to buzen ]
[It's fine... if he hasn't died of alcohol poisoning yet he never will
Kaveh won't argue, but he can't agree. He never truly views himself as a good person--even on the good days, when he's happy and proud of his work, but doesn't think he does anything beyond what people should do for each other anyway. And this is not a good day. This is the sort of day where he feels mired in guilt and despair, where he knows, without a doubt, that he doesn't deserve good things because he never fails to break them.
His grip tightens on the bottle, though he doesn't resist or pull away from Livio's hand.
[ livio will try to gently take it away from him. for his part, he is extremely confident that kaveh is not a cruel person. livio thinks pretty highly of him, actually! thanks to emoshare, he'll be able to feel that. ]
[ but he knows he can't just force kaveh to view himself the way he wishes he would, so what else can he do but be here? ]
Do ya have any prayers from yer world? If not... I can start.
[Well, he won't let Livio take it--but he doesn't throw a fit, just pulls it a little closer to himself and mumbles "paid for it." But since this is cheap reaper wine it can have a screw-on top, which he digs out of his pocket to put back on. Alright, alright, he's done with his sad drinking.
He contemplates the question--but ultimately, he shakes his head. If he goes down that route, he'll start thinking about his father, and that won't make anything better. This is definitely not because I'm too lazy to scour the wiki]
[ that's good enough for now. he mostly just wanted kaveh to stop depression drinking. he worries! ]
Alright... but I'm not too good at this, so bear with me...
[ this is very funny considering we have a funeral thread in two ic days ]
[ but here we go... he starts off ]
[Death is not the end nor does it break the bonds forged in life. May they know Your forgiveness for their sins And the blessings of everlasting life... ]
[Listen... sometimes you drown your sorrows because talking about them makes other people sad and uncomfortable
IT IS FUNNY THOUGH HELP Kaveh is really going to become Catholic at this rate. But truthfully, this is better--on Sunday, he'll mostly just feel touched to have been invited. This feels more personal, like a true moment of individual mourning. For now, he just closes his eyes and listens quietly; not really taking in the words themselves but letting himself focus on the steady cadence of their delivery. Searching for a little beauty, even now.]
[ but yaywon's vision is coming together.... livio keeps praying, he speaks pretty quietly and evenly. it's... automatic, almost, though it feels less like a prayer and more like a mantra, maybe. ]
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ohthehumanities) wrote2023-06-10 01:09 pm
week 2, friday
Anyway, Kaveh is here at the small park, sitting under one of the crosses. He's got paper, a brush, and two tubes of paint, and he is touching NONE OF THEM because he's just drinking wine straight from the bottle, radiating sorrow and guilt.]
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[ and there's a thread of concern here ]
Mister Kaveh....
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Livio, at least, gets him to put the bottle down, though he doesn't even bother to try a smile in greeting. Maybe that, too, is development.]
Livio. [There's a hint of relief at seeing him safe, even though his name hadn't been announced. He's quiet for a moment.] ...I can't believe he's gone.
[There's such a difference between knowing, logically, that someone could, will, die during the night, and waking up to their absence in the morning. Every week, it's gotten harder and harder.]
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[ livio has that same aura of 'awkwardly hovering while trying to be comforting', but now he is sitting next to kaveh. this is truly character development. ]
I'm sorry.
[ buzen was a nice guy. they must have been close. not to mention how open and empathetic kaveh is, just as a person. also, all murdergame characters are born with the innate knowledge that dana is a villain ]
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But Kaveh hesitates for a minute--then leans over slightly, resting gently against him.]
I was cruel to him. [Softly.] Last week. I didn't--I didn't apologize for it.
[HE DIDN'T TALK TO BUZEN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE CAPITALISM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
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He doesn't seem the type to hold grudges over somethin' like that.
[ livio means that in the nicest way possible. head empty sword.. ]
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You haven't seen me at my worst. [In fairness, he knows he wasn't at his worst with Buzen either. He was furious, yes, but more than that, he was desperate--desperate to believe that the kind person he'd been glued to all week hadn't betrayed him in such a way. Still, Kaveh's always had a horrible habit of lashing out when he's hurt in such a personal way. This is not the first time he's broken off a friendship and regretted it later, but this time, there's no chance of rekindling it.]
I accused him of trying to protect Rin's killer. And even--even after that execution, I told him I was still angry at him. That I knew he'd tried to help, but that I thought he should've tried harder. He agreed with me. And then I just--left it like that.
[He'd been so glad to have a few days of space after the red string effect went away, and then he'd been so caught up in trying to shield people from his emotions, and then... then he woke up in the morning and it was too late.]
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I dunno, Mister Kaveh. Even if ya did get angry and lash out, it's not like you were trying to be cruel. Trust me. I know cruel people. [ there is a tiny thread of self-hatred here, gone in less than a second. ] And I know Buzen felt awful about it, I think he beat himself up more than ya ever could.
[ there's nothing to be said about regrets, though. nothing that livio can offer that he thinks would really help kaveh. it is too late to talk to buzen ]
Wanna pray for him with me?
[ maybe that's the only thing ]
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Kaveh won't argue, but he can't agree. He never truly views himself as a good person--even on the good days, when he's happy and proud of his work, but doesn't think he does anything beyond what people should do for each other anyway. And this is not a good day. This is the sort of day where he feels mired in guilt and despair, where he knows, without a doubt, that he doesn't deserve good things because he never fails to break them.
His grip tightens on the bottle, though he doesn't resist or pull away from Livio's hand.
Quietly:] ...Okay.
[He'll try anything, at this point.]
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[ livio will try to gently take it away from him. for his part, he is extremely confident that kaveh is not a cruel person. livio thinks pretty highly of him, actually! thanks to emoshare, he'll be able to feel that. ]
[ but he knows he can't just force kaveh to view himself the way he wishes he would, so what else can he do but be here? ]
Do ya have any prayers from yer world? If not... I can start.
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He contemplates the question--but ultimately, he shakes his head. If he goes down that route, he'll start thinking about his father, and that won't make anything better. This is definitely not because I'm too lazy to scour the wiki]
I want to hear yours.
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Alright... but I'm not too good at this, so bear with me...
[ this is very funny considering we have a funeral thread in two ic days ]
[ but here we go... he starts off ]
[Death is not the end nor does it break the bonds forged in life.
May they know Your forgiveness for their sins
And the blessings of everlasting life... ]
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IT IS FUNNY THOUGH HELP Kaveh is really going to become Catholic at this rate. But truthfully, this is better--on Sunday, he'll mostly just feel touched to have been invited. This feels more personal, like a true moment of individual mourning. For now, he just closes his eyes and listens quietly; not really taking in the words themselves but letting himself focus on the steady cadence of their delivery. Searching for a little beauty, even now.]
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[ but yaywon's vision is coming together.... livio keeps praying, he speaks pretty quietly and evenly. it's... automatic, almost, though it feels less like a prayer and more like a mantra, maybe. ]