[No, that's fair. Please yell at him, he deserves it.
To his credit, he does seem like he's listening. He puts a hand to his mouth, brow furrowed.]
...We're picturing different things, I think. [Or... well. Maybe not exactly different--but looking at it from different angles.] I don't exactly mind what you're talking about--that kind of care. And I promise, I do treasure those people who look out for me. [Tighnari, in particular; Cyno too. Even Alhaitham, though he can't bring himself to say it. If he truly hated it, he would have rejected their assistance completely. He truly believes that, and he does his best to convey that, as genuinely as he can.]
It's not that I don't want anyone to care at all, ever--or that I don't appreciate it when they do. I just want to be able to say that things are good, and mean it, when they do.
[ maybe it is different... he always did find it hard to stop and think before letting his temper take over, so kaveh is probably right. what does kazuki know, anyway? they're still basically strangers, just like everyone else. ]
Nothing is ever going to be good as long as long as we're stuck here. It's just like - [ shakes his head. ] No, it's even worse, here. People are going to keep getting erased, and we're going to keep having these trials, and... whatever happened to you guys on Thursday - that could happen again, too.
You can't tell me not to worry about you when it's like this. I'm always going to be worried. The only way that's going to stop is when I'm erased.
[It's not like Kazuki's wrong. Kaveh knows that--knows that by caring so deeply about the rest of them, he is, in essence, dragging them down by proxy. Isn't this why he cut contact with his mother? Isn't this why he turns away, again and again, from every sign that Alhaitham does not hate him as much as they both claim?
But he can't do that here. It's too late, even if he wanted to try. And he knows himself too well--his ridiculous longing for companionship would drive him back toward everyone else one way or another.]
I don't want to take that away from you. [That much, at least, he can say easily.] But all I can do is promise to try. [And if that's not enough, he'll understand.]
[ the question is... should he believe it? that kaveh will really try. he's heard similar platitudes before that didn't mean anything, and he's tired of them already.
a pause, and kazuki's shoulders slump, letting some of the tension he'd been holding onto melt away. ]
I'm going to hold you to that.
[ this may be as close to accepting an apology as he can get right now, but maybe it's better than nothing. ]
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ohthehumanities) wrote2023-06-10 01:04 pm
no subject
To his credit, he does seem like he's listening. He puts a hand to his mouth, brow furrowed.]
...We're picturing different things, I think. [Or... well. Maybe not exactly different--but looking at it from different angles.] I don't exactly mind what you're talking about--that kind of care. And I promise, I do treasure those people who look out for me. [Tighnari, in particular; Cyno too. Even Alhaitham, though he can't bring himself to say it. If he truly hated it, he would have rejected their assistance completely. He truly believes that, and he does his best to convey that, as genuinely as he can.]
It's not that I don't want anyone to care at all, ever--or that I don't appreciate it when they do. I just want to be able to say that things are good, and mean it, when they do.
no subject
Nothing is ever going to be good as long as long as we're stuck here. It's just like - [ shakes his head. ] No, it's even worse, here. People are going to keep getting erased, and we're going to keep having these trials, and... whatever happened to you guys on Thursday - that could happen again, too.
You can't tell me not to worry about you when it's like this. I'm always going to be worried. The only way that's going to stop is when I'm erased.
no subject
But he can't do that here. It's too late, even if he wanted to try. And he knows himself too well--his ridiculous longing for companionship would drive him back toward everyone else one way or another.]
I don't want to take that away from you. [That much, at least, he can say easily.] But all I can do is promise to try. [And if that's not enough, he'll understand.]
no subject
a pause, and kazuki's shoulders slump, letting some of the tension he'd been holding onto melt away. ]
I'm going to hold you to that.
[ this may be as close to accepting an apology as he can get right now, but maybe it's better than nothing. ]