ohthehumanities | catchall; wolfwood

[Wolfwood is really out here making himself into Kaveh's ideal type every damn day and he'll never even know it

But also Kaveh is the most easily reactionary person on the planet so predictably, he puffs up in that "offended (but not seriously)" way.]

Of course not! It's just a cave!

[ STOP KAVEH CAN'T BE HIS LATEST ROMANCE FLING. ]

Then we gonna go or what?

[HELP WOLFWOOD YOU SLUT!!! It's fine he'll never find out.]

I will! I was going to go first anyway. [SO THERE!! Into the spooky catacombs he will march. Alpha-like, despite my forever omega curse.]

[ Too much blond(e) romance drama... ]

Be my guest.

[ Because Wolfwood will saunter in right after him. Wowie, it's the catacombs. Isn't that pleasant? Not exactly but we can't all be winners. Wolfwood makes a slight face if only because it's not feasible to exactly have catacombs on his planet. Eww, it smells... humid. ]

[This is what he gets for being a (looks in charts) dumbass bisexual big titty dilf.

BUT OFF THEY GO. Kaveh has no way of creating light down here but at least they can still, like, see. Or maybe Wolfwood has laser vision and would be able to see anyway? It's fine. Kaveh instinctively reaches out to try and put his hand on a wall before he jerks it back, alarmed.]

What the--why are there bones in the wall?!

[ I really hate how much game he has without trying. In fact, actively trying NOT to. It's really IC unfortunately but why.

Wolfwood actually does have sharper eyesight than most. However, he also has a lighter so they can see via that, if the place gets too dark to see normally. ]

Huh?

[ Turns around and illuminates the closest skeleton in front of Kaveh's face like a cheap horror jumpscare. ]

[YOU CHOSE THIS LIFE now you must suffer being a blond(e) magnet.

Sometimes you touch your dead bird's cripsy corpse in a murder trial and then later you get (redacted) memshares and your tolerance for shit has no choice but to improve, so even though he moves back, he doesn't comically jump and shriek. Sad.]

See? Why!

[ Grits my teeth. I won't suffer if Kaveh doesn't kiss him which you WON'T!! ]

I don't know. [ Unfortunately while I wish Wolfwood was easily scared, he really is not. ] Like... a second graveyard? But kinda worse.

[Well if you phrase it like that then I have to (I won't)(?)]

I didn't realize the shadow people even had bones...

[He is forcefully assuming that's where they came from because there is no other good alternative. Also, in the distance is the faint sound of something moving.]

Who said it had to be from shadow people?

'Sides. They're apparently real people, just on a different "frequency" or whatever.

[ He doesn't know the details nor the logistics of that but it's cool, it's fine. ]

[Help. Kaveh wrinkles his nose.]

I was going to say that there's too many of them to have anything to do with us. [Except he supposes they could be from past players too... disturbing... ] They look old, too.

Maybe they're just there for decoration then. C'mon, just staring at bones isn't gonna give either of us an answer.

[ Not unless they want to go full Cask of Amontillado up in here. What else is down here!! ]

[Well, luckily for their nosy asses, this is precisely when that sound of something moving in the distance comes back--closer, this time, enough to be noticeable.]

What's that?

[CONFIDENTLY and WEAPONLESSLY striding off down the path to go look]

Oi, idiot. Don't go wanderin' off into the dark, empty-handed, without even a damn light -- the week sapped you of your brainpower or what?

[ GET BACK HERE KAVEH. Trudging after him with his cross in tow, as usual, but also holding out his lighter. ]

I'll be fine! I've got plenty of healing left in case something happens.

[Dice Maiden says Kaveh gets no dignity and he trips shortly after saying this.]

[ Wow. Watches him eat shit, with confidence. ]

You know, even "plenty" of money is gonna run out if you spend pennies fast enough.

Ugh... this is your fault.

[DON'T JUST BLAME HIM.

I'll be nice enough to say he doesn't eat 100% shit though so he just brushes himself and huffs.]

I heard something down this way.

I definitely remember you pullin' my hand and dragging me down here.

[ He's raising a brow though. ]

Why the hell would you go towards the noise in a damn skeleton-filled cave?

I meant me ending up on the ground all the time! [He barely even remembers the dance floor one but SOMEBODY took pictures

Anyway he looks over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow, cocky.]

What, are you scared?

That's not my fault, what am I supposed to? Hold your hand all the time?

[ ??? ]

'Course not, I have common sense though.

It's definitely your fault! I have good balance, and you probably like watching me make a fool of myself.

[HURLS WILD ACCUSATIONS.]

If we can handle the lions in the Jonasseum, we can probably handle--

[Right on cue, one of their """friendly little""" horrific slug monsters oozed into view. Okay.]

Sounds like someone is lashing out. Not my fault if you can't walk straight.

[ SIR THIS ISN'T AN AA TRIAL YOU CAN'T JUST ACCUSE.

Wow. ]

Oh look at that. The hell is that?

[ Unfortunately Wolfwood is used to sandworms so this probably isn't that weird for him. ]

[Wolfwood said he should do whatever he wants so he's just listening to that? Damn (that's not what he said at all)

Kaveh jumps, but mostly because Genshin's enemies are fairly aesthetic even when they're freaky.]

Why is everything down here so ugly...

Is that really your problem with the entire thing?

[ It's sliming and possibly hostile, and that's your issue? ]

I'm just wondering! It's weird!

[RELAX... it's not even doing anything...

Just kidding it's noticing them. Damn it really doesn't look as friendly as the ponies were, huh.]

I don't suppose you brought a weapon, did you?

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