ohthehumanities | catchall; wolfwood

[YEAH just regular as far as I know. Mehrak floats bc mods said it could be kind of like a techno-pet but I never checked re: the swords help. IT'S FINE THOUGH

There's a little wave of disgruntled energy, but it fades quickly as he lifts the sword, looking it over. He handles it well, which may be surprising given that he looks like a delicate little babygirl. Or maybe not idk if there are OP twinks in Trigun.]

I thought about coming out here to draw, but it didn't feel right to sit still. This seemed better.

[A better way to honor Buzen's memory, he means.]

[ I. Guess there can be OP twinks in Trigun I don't know, it's not like he's ever seen Kaveh shirtless. Vash has twink energy but he's actually kind of ripped as hell. ]

Draw... Buzen Gou? Like you did with the other two pictures?

[Wolfwood has seen Vash shirtless... gay...]

Oh--well, yes. That too, eventually. But no, I just meant... anything. As an outlet. [For all that he's emotionally exhausted, he's restless, too. He lowers the sword, leaning on it again.] Sculpting might've helped, but I doubt I could afford that much clay.

[And like. Honestly, he just kind of wants to hit things.]

...What about you? What do you do? [Granted, Wolfwood's emotions have been calm--and look, Kaveh's not dumb enough to not notice the Trigun Trend, but he won't say anything about it--but. He's still a person, presumably. Surely he gets frustrated and restless sometimes.]

[ He actually has and yet the canon example is actually the least gay way it could've happened.

Please tell me what is the Trigun Trend. ]

...When I get mad? Depends. Sometimes I'll just go out and eat some decent food. If I'm feeling real pent up, maybe I'll engage a particularly belligerent guy at the bar.

[ If its [REDACTED] level, maybe it'll be [REDACTED]. ]

[That's so tragic WOLFWOOD YOU DUMB DUMB (I have no proof it was Wolfwood)

Also the Trigun Trend is CONCERNINGLY REPRESSED EMOTIONS except Vash I guess who is mostly depression BUT ALSO KIND OF VASH.

Anyway, Kaveh looks him up and down, appraising. There's a fleeting ghost of a smile, though he's not quite up to feeling amused today.]

Yes, I can see you being that type. [This is so rude since Wolfwood has been so nice to him like 99% of the time and yet. It's just the vibe.

These redacteds are so concerning WHAT DOES THIS MEAN]

[ Don't worry about it.

But also yeah repression is a trend. At least it doesn't seem like Wolfwood is trying in particular to repress anything rn, he just is not a bog.

Unfortunately he's not offended by this, he's a bit of a brute sometimes and acknowledges it. Image of him once beating up an old man when they were in a hurry because how dare you try to charge them money. ]

Unfortunately, no ill-mannered bargoers hanging around here that seem like easy targets I'll never see again.

[ Aka, lasting consequences. ]

[Congratulations to Wolfwood for being the only emotionally stable(?)(????) person here, maybe. Well okay there was Buzen but now he's fucking dead

Wryly--]

There's a security guard at the museum I could introduce you to. [Let it go, Kaveh]

Still pissed about it a week later, huh.

[ Just calls him out on it. ]

I'll keep the connection in mind if I get that bad.

[STOP DON'T CALL HIM OUT actually it's fine he doesn't care. He gets embarrassed about friendships and things but not stupid shit like this]

Maybe "pissed" is a strong word... but it's a good option, if you ask me. [Stop.

Kaveh is not enough of a masochist to offer himself as a punching bag--okay no that's not true he absolutely is. But he won't do that right now. Instead, his emotions shift back to something more melancholy.]

I hope you don't. [Sincerely, quietly. He knows there's a difference between the kind of "mad" they were talking about and what he's thinking now, but he can't help his thoughts drifting. He wouldn't wish the kind of fury and pain he's felt, that Matsui feels, on anyone--but especially not on people like Wolfwood, who he's grown so fond of.

He hesitates for a moment, uncertainty clear in his emotions and his face.]

...Can I ask you a difficult question?

[ Unfortunately it wouldn't feel right punching out a twink like Kaveh...... but hey, maybe.

... ]

Yeah, go ahead.

[ No harm in asking. ]

[I'll pencil in a sexy barfight before the double wedding]

I know you said you have things to go back to. And with Vash on your team... I know you'll want to fight to win. [Kids, he remembers. And--well. Wolfwood's made his self-sufficient views clear. It's an acknowledgement, as gentle as it is painful, that he doesn't expect Wolfwood to sacrifice himself or his team. That one day, they may be more direct enemies--and Kaveh can't promise his heart will listen, but his mind, for now, won't hold any survivalist actions against him.]

...But Livio is on a different team. So what will you do?

[They seem so close. Kaveh remembers what Wolfwood told him about their pasts, too. He can't see a good solution, should they fail to find the alternative they're looking for.]

[ Who's getting married...

He looks at Kaveh evenly, and his expression is unreadable. There's a flash of emotion that he only gets because of this stupid week, the pitch deep pain of having had to separate one way or another and with it, an equally deep guilt, but it shuts closed in an instant. Sorry Kaveh, but there's a distinct aura of the shutting out being personal, like Kaveh doesn't deserve to be privy to that.

But. ]

Nothing wrong with trying to keep them both alive, is there? We were all talking a long time about a way to circumvent the rules somehow.

[Damn... Wolfrard abandoned so quickly...

But that's fair, Kaveh thinks. It's such a sudden thing that it almost makes him jump--but for all that Kaveh is so pathetically desperate for companionship, he is the last person to assume familiarity and entitlement. There's a brief pulse of apology before he tries, in return, to pull back his own emotions, as if to give Wolfwood space--he's not nearly as successful at it, but the intention is there.]

No, there isn't. [He can agree with that, even though it's always so, so hard to dredge up that hope on Saturdays. He turns his gaze back toward the lake.] ...That's the only thing I can accept.

[Winning wouldn't be worth it, otherwise. Not to him.]

[ The problem is that he knows it's not sustainable, but he's choosing to ignore it for both of their sakes. ]

Then we can try to keep thinking of it that way, and keep the pessimism to ourselves.

[ That's what he's been doing, so. ]

[That's fair. And honestly--This alone is enough of an answer.

He's not sure what he expected, anyway. Wolfwood seems so self-assured, but he's working with exactly the same things the rest of them are. He doesn't have some kind of... secret, magic solution tucked into his sleeve. The more he thinks about it, the more Kaveh feels bad for asking at all. But he tries to keep that guilt pulled back, too.]

Yes, you're right. [He hesitates, his gaze dropping to his sword. His hand tightens on the hilt, and a complicated tangle of emotion slips out.] ...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.

I guess I'd rather you ask than you start making assumptions about what I will or won't do.

[ There's no anger or anything coming from him at least. There's no particular annoyance about Kaveh's emotions leaking like a sieve either. ]

Can't help but ask about the elephant in the room.

[It's a hollow comfort, but it helps a little, at least. It's not Wolfwood's fault that Kaveh is so skittish about certain things, ready to craft a thousand scenarios in his head and get upset about things that no one said or did.]

...I'm not used to not having the answers. [Which--none of them are used to this situation, obviously. But there are drawbacks to constantly rubbing elbows with brilliant minds.] Rather--of not finding them when I go looking. Research is easy.

[And he just kind of. Doesn't solve his own personal problems, so.

A little smile, then, just a touch self-deprecating.]

I feel like I keep unloading on you.

You remind me of someone with a similar kind of annoying aura, yeah.

[ DON'T JUST SAY THAT TO HIM. But -- ]

The difference is at least, you'll say and ask things out loud, and don't run away from every single thing. It's not a bad thing to be entrusted with someone else's thoughts -- it's just a matter of if you think I'm the right person for it.

[HELP not the callout. Kaveh doesn't get offended. There's a brief spike of uncertainty, like he's debating whether he should leave and stop bothering Wolfwood with his fifteen thousand issues, but. He curls his fingers, and forces it away. This time, he manages to succeed in pulling back his feelings.

Instead, he ponders this quietly, deciding what he wants to say. He so deeply hates bringing down the mood, especially around people he likes. He would sooner isolate himself a thousand times over than burden his friends with his misery. It's a choice he's made a thousand times, even around his closest people--uninviting himself from gatherings, cutting off contact with his mother, pretending he was fine, just a frequent visitor to the tavern, not a helpless stray seeking shelter.

And yet...]

I do. I know that's presumptuous of me to say. I don't--[He's been calmer, but there's a flutter of anxiety and shame as he falters, briefly.]--I don't mean that as an expectation, of course. [Wolfwood is not and should not be his therapist!!]

But most people here are too kind, I think. And you've been kind to me too, of course. But you're honest. It's easier to hear certain things from you.

[Ultimately, Kaveh sinks when he doesn't have people who challenge his views. Wolfwood does that without pushing his buttons, the way Rang does, and without, as he'd said, acting like they're destined for failure. He's willing to find an answer, but he doesn't pretend he won't care for his own, if he must. It's a stance, a demeanor, that Kaveh can respect.]

I know we're strangers--I'm not trying to pretend otherwise. But I trust you.

[It's not like it won't hurt if--when?--Wolfwood makes a move. But unless Wolfwood makes a horrific decision like D or Libby, Kaveh thinks he'll be able to understand.]

[ He really sucks as a therapist. Please do not rely on him for emotional stability. It's for your own good.

Internally he's wondering why Kaveh thinks of him this way. Kaveh is soft and malleable -- he's sure the guy can have a steel core if he tries, but Wolfwood can just as easily see him snapping under the pressure between two jaws. ]

You second-guess what you want to say out loud a lot. It makes you sound less confident.

[ Why does he have to choose to attack people like this. It really is just his method of talking, especially when it comes to comfort. ]

A lot of other people would say I just don't have tact. If you want to call that honesty, that's up to you, but it's a kinder stance than most.

[Don't tell him what to do!!! Unless "what to do" is "go away forever I hate you" in which case he can do that I guess

Callout x2 is embarrassing, and he looks away, face flushing slightly--but when he gets embarrassed, he tends to get stubborn and prickly, so he just huffs. He doesn't deny it, though, focusing on the rest instead.]

I don't think that's true. But even if it is, if tactlessness bothered me I would've died of stress over a decade ago.

[Vash was so shocked by this but Kaveh still thinks Wolfwood is nicer than Alhaitham]

[ Alhaitham is so funny. Unfortunately Wolfwood is a little soft, like, even Estinien is a bigger bitch outwardly than Wolfwood actually is.

There's the barest glimmer of amusement though, flustered Kaveh is funny. ]

Stress specifically?

[That's why his shirt is open like that... we've all been objectifying him but it's really to expose his squishy lil heart (pensive)(fist)

ALSO WOW DON'T FIND HIM FUNNY!!!! (do find him funny he's pathetic)]

What do you mean?

Nothing.

It was just a little funny to imagine someone dying of getting too annoyed.

[There's a brief vibe of paranoia and suspicion but I have to stress that it's like, extremely stupid paranoia not anything serious. I don't know how you tell the difference but this is an important clarification. Maybe he looks at Wolfwood like he (kaveh) is about to put on a tin foil hat for a second before he lets it go and grumbles.]

I wouldn't be surprised if that's what got me here in the first place. [Shut up drama queen] But in any case--I like you how you are.

[Is he being defiantly confident after that call-out. Maybe a little.]

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