At this point... I'm hesitant to consider any particular emotions "messed up."
[It's hard not to go a little numb, when things like this keep happening. Kaveh will never not be unhappy on Fridays, but even he can't fight the small swell of relief he feels when he sees that Nahida and Shu are still with him.]
Every time, it's just this... heavy, terrifying dread. That it's going to be one of my team.
Not because we're a team and I need them—which is true too—but because they're my friends. And each time it isn't them I get to reset the countdown in my head until... until it is.
I hate that there's nothing we can do to keep them safe. [There's not really much point in expressing this thought again, but. He can't help dwelling on it.] It's terrifying, knowing that once we're asleep, anything could happen.
[He should probably tell her things like NO STOP DON'T SAY THAT but like. He feels exactly the same way when it comes to his own team, so. He looks very unhappy when she says that, but he just tilts his head slightly.]
[Kaveh looks unsure for a minute, then opens his mouth--but then he pauses and shakes his head slightly. He shouldn't question her on her own past and memories, probably. He's stuck on the fact that they all had to die to end up here, but Alex is a smart girl. She wouldn't be saying this if it were that straightforward.]
I hope that's not true. [He says finally.] And I don't want you to die here regardless. But I can't say I don't understand your reasoning.
I wouldn't hurt your team, Alex. Even if I could bear it, I wouldn't do that to Jonas.
[Not after losing Shenhe. Even if he knows it's the most logical option, the safest choice--even if there's truly no way to avoid causing people pain, this late in the game--there's no way he could take a loved one away from someone else.]
It's not that I don't understand your reasoning. I feel the same way about myself, when it comes to my team. [For similar logic to hers, even.] Call it selfishness, on my part.
[Living on as people die around him is already hard enough. he couldn't handle that weight too.]
I know. [He sighs softly.] I mean, I won't pretend it's not upsetting to consider. I don't want anything to happen to you. [To anyone--but it's far too late for that. And even Kaveh isn't immune to having stronger relationships with some than others.] But I meant it when I said I understood. I can only hope that anyone who decides to target us realizes that they should choose me, out of the three of us.
[So he really is in the same boat as her. If he were a more, heh, pragmatic person, he probably would genuinely take what she said into account. But he's guided by emotion, not logic.]
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Kaveh shakes his head slightly, though.]
At this point... I'm hesitant to consider any particular emotions "messed up."
[It's hard not to go a little numb, when things like this keep happening. Kaveh will never not be unhappy on Fridays, but even he can't fight the small swell of relief he feels when he sees that Nahida and Shu are still with him.]
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Not because we're a team and I need them—which is true too—but because they're my friends. And each time it isn't them I get to reset the countdown in my head until... until it is.
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I hate that there's nothing we can do to keep them safe. [There's not really much point in expressing this thought again, but. He can't help dwelling on it.] It's terrifying, knowing that once we're asleep, anything could happen.
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It should be me.
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Why do you think so?
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Kazuki's got a dream. He deserves the chance to chase it.
And Setsu is smart, and kind, and the team would fall apart without them. They're everyone's favorite.
[ ... ]
I'm, uh... I'm not really making it out of this anyway. So. It seems, like... pragmatic. That's the word, right? Pragmatic.
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You're not? Are you sure?
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I hope that's not true. [He says finally.] And I don't want you to die here regardless. But I can't say I don't understand your reasoning.
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Yeah, so. I'm on borrowed time anyway. I don't know. If it comes up on your team or anything, I guess... keep it in mind.
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[Not after losing Shenhe. Even if he knows it's the most logical option, the safest choice--even if there's truly no way to avoid causing people pain, this late in the game--there's no way he could take a loved one away from someone else.]
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[ she's not really satisfied with that answer, but fine. ]
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[Living on as people die around him is already hard enough. he couldn't handle that weight too.]
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... Okay. Sorry, I'm—people get... moody about it.
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[So he really is in the same boat as her. If he were a more, heh, pragmatic person, he probably would genuinely take what she said into account. But he's guided by emotion, not logic.]