ohthehumanities | catchall; wolfwood

[...

Kaveh hesitates--because he, too, believes in protecting people's privacy, especially for sensitive and personal things like this. But he thinks Wolfwood is probably more likely to already know about this than Vash would be, and given all the potential mindfuckery floating around, he can't necessarily be sure of Livio's own perspective. (Also the thread hasn't gotten that far yet but it's fine)]

I don't know the details, of course. Just what I've seen and heard from you and Vash. But Livio's memory--there was a man there. Master... [His brow furrows as he casts his mind back.] Chapel, I think his name was? And the--[...He tightens his grip on his coffee, then forces himself to relax.]--the things they did to him--it was supposed to be for Knives, wasn't it?

[Or... something like that. To be honest, he'd been kind of overwhelmed by the memory of body horror and pain, and then distracted fussing over Livio about it, because that's just who he is as a person. But goddamn would it be awkward if Livio was still out here worshiping Vash's shitty evil brother or something.]

[ It's pretty impressive how dark a man's expression can get with just a single mention of a word or name, but boy howdy, does it get dark. ]

The perfect servant.

[ He says it with so much derision, but -- ]

Yeah, we were made to technically carry out Knives's will by proxy since the Eye of Michael is devoted to him. But he ain't like that anymore. He snapped out of it.

[Kaveh's gaze softens in turn--and a lot of the tension drains out of him with that confirmation, because he was genuinely so worried that Livio was out here without knowing, especially since Kaveh knows he's kind of a shitty liar and would probably fuck up and reveal his skewed version of The Truth.]

You both got away from them? Or are they after you?

[He can't imagine that a group that went as far as it did would let them go so easily, even though he has faith in Wolfwood and Livio's abilities to defend themselves.]

[ He chews on this, conflicted, torn, the reality is so complex. I guess Kaveh can watch Wolfwood straight up start disassociating in real time, looking a little unfocused. ]

I shot him three years ago. He was usin' my orphanage for personnel. It should've been over then. I shot him 'til he couldn't walk anymore but he came back. I should've done the job right, then maybe Livio wouldn't have gotten caught up. I should've made sure he really stopped breathin'.

[ He shouldn't have had mercy. If he'd known they had Livio -- if only -- ]

[It hurts a little, to see--and maybe he should reassure Wolfwood that it's not his fault, that he couldn't have known, that someone else's horrible actions are completely beyond his control. But if those sentiments are useless to Kaveh, with his insignificant tragedies, then he can't imagine they're of any use to Wolfwood, either. And besides that, Kaveh doesn't believe in taking feelings of responsibility away from other people, regardless of how irrational they may be.

But he can't just stand there and do nothing, so he reaches out, resting a gentle hand on Wolfwood's arm. Light, just a touch meant to be grounding--something he can easily pull away from, if he wants to.]

You're here for him now. [Livio, he means. He says it firmly, with certainty.] He knows you're here now.

[ His first instinct is to snatch Kaveh's hand out of the air so fast with a grip that will instantly border on painful with how hard it is. He grasps it like it's a ledge to haul out of, only the slightest restraint for the part of him that recognises where he is. ]

No promises it ain't like that. Or that it won't be like that if I go back and things are different.

[ And even if he does, what if -- ? ]

[It's always a little startling, when Wolfwood moves that quickly--but he's slowly starting to get used to it, and it's a little less surprising given their conversation. He can't quite stop himself from flinching a little, but it's more out of reflex than pain or fear.

He doesn't try to pull away; rather, he curls his fingers, holding on. Not as tightly--he couldn't manage that even if he tried, probably, no matter what kind of sword he wields--but firmer than before.]

When I asked what you were going to do about being on separate teams, you told me not to be pessimistic. Remember? You were confident that you could look out for him, even under these circumstances.

[Kaveh himself had held onto that, even after Shenhe's death. This is a unique situation, though, he knows that. And he isn't one to promise miracles, only hard work, determination, and an unbreakable belief in the inherent goodness of others.]

I know it's not the same thing. And I can't promise you can save him. [Here, or in No Man's Land.] But I believe that he knows you love him, and that you would try. That matters more than you'd think.

[There's nothing they can do about the past. They can't undo the harm that's been done, and they can't undo the decisions they've made. That's just a weight that has to be carried. But Livio's heart is soft, and anyone with eyes can see how much he looks up to Wolfwood, how much he cares about him, and Vash, and--all of them, really. Maybe Wolfwood is the sort of person who's concerned about the results, but to someone like Livio--it matters, Kaveh thinks.]

[ Maybe Kaveh should accept that he's a sweet-talker whose job is to let other people believe in a Heaven he'll never belong to. His eyes are still sharp and a little alight, very reminiscent of a hawk's gaze.

His grip tightens a little more before he lets go, almost a little aggressively. ]

Love doesn't count worth shit if it doesn't end up savin' anybody.

[ Ultimately, he's a realist. ]

[He will not. He meets Wolfwood's gaze, even though he has to look up to do it--and for all that he can sometimes seem so delicate, so cautious and careful and terrified of missteps, of breaking the connections he barely believes he managed to build--for all of that, he's unwavering now.]

You're wrong about that. [He doesn't try to hold on to Wolfwood's hand, but he doesn't step back, either.] ...But I do hope that you can.

[And he means it. For all that their beliefs differ, he hates the thought of them losing each other. And if there was anything he could do to help here, too--anything at all that would tip the scales, he would do it in a heartbeat. But this isn't the same as drafting up prototypes of a god-trapping device with Nahida for them to take home with them. There's only so much he can do to try and tamper with their fates.]

[ Lol, lmao, lol...

He scoffs. There's no arguing with idealists, that's something he figured out a while ago. He's also not in the habit of breaking people's spirits, not like the Eye of Michael, so he does drop it. ]

Are you satisfied?

[ With your answers. ]

[DON'T LOL LMAO MEEEEEEEE I'M SO FULL OF FEAR AAAAAAAAAA

Kaveh watches him for a long moment, his gaze searching--but eventually he relents with a soft sigh.]

Yes, I think so. [He's still worried that Vash did something insane and self-sacrificial to stop Knives, but Wolfwood wouldn't know about that, it seems, so it's a moot point.] ...I'm still going to keep my promise.

[To work with Nahida and try to come up with something that might help deal with Knives--and to pass on his notes for ideas on ways to try and make No Man's Land less garbage. There's no way of knowing which timeline, or whatever it is, is correct until they get out of here anyway, so he might as well.]

[ :o ]

...Do what you want.

[ It's really hard to admit it but he really is struggling so much about the doubt that Vash's reality is true, and holds true for himself. He's known that Knives was already no longer a problem in Vash's version of events, and he settled for that at first, but something just didn't sit right -- and ever since realising the discrepancies and speaking with the Reapers, he's been unable to settle.

Any world where his orphanage is lost isn't a chance he's willing to take, whatever the cost. ]

[SHAKES VIOLENTLY AND PUTS THEM ALL ON A HIGH SHELF]

I will. [He hates that that's the best thing he can offer--but empty promises and platitudes would be worse, he thinks. Those are the kinds of things he gives to people when he's deflecting from his own problems, and even then, he's been trying to do less of that.] And in the meantime, while we're here--I'll look out for him however I can too.

[That one's easy, since he would do that regardless. Kaveh is SO bad at team games.]

I don't really care where I end up in this game in the end. I just wanna see both of them make it out alive.

[ That's not entirely true. Wolfwood isn't that kind of self-sacrificial, low self-worth dumbass. He has survival instinct. One could even say that it's basically all he has.

Still, he's long since weighed his situation against the overall picture, and on a boat that can't fit everybody, he comes above strangers but below his most important people. ]

[It hurts to hear it, especially from Wolfwood. They've talked about this. Kaveh knows, to a small extent, how much he values his own survival. He can guess, with some degree of accuracy, how much it must hurt, being unable to protect Vash and Livio on the night it matters most. Kaveh hates it too, but that's just his soft heart at work. He cares about Nahida, and he mourns Shenhe even now--but their bonds are different. It's not the same as something uniquely human (so to speak), forged in shared suffering and adversity.

He wants to reach out again--stands, for a moment, like he's going to--but ultimately he holds himself back and just turns his gaze outward.]

I imagine they'll yell at you if you tell them that.

[Not that Kaveh would know about that or anything,]

They're just makin' up for lost time then.

[ Whatever that means! But Wolfwood seems to stand firm on this anyway. He's a right stubborn bastard, on some fronts more than others, but this one is clear-cut with clear rules, few exceptions. ]

[It's fair enough. Kaveh's a hypocrite sometimes (a lot of the time really), but he won't try to argue. Not about this.

He glances back, tilting his head slightly.]

What do you mean?

There's a lot of things they wanted to yell at me about before we all showed up here.

So.

You can rest well knowin' that I've gotten enough earfuls to last the entire after-lifetime.

[Hmmm. Kaveh looks contemplative, like he's considering asking more--but he ultimately decides against it. Wolfwood might prefer it if he's straightforward, and Kaveh's found it's the best way of getting to know him, but that doesn't mean he has to ask every question that comes to mind right away. Especially after how heavy their conversation has been to this point.

So he just shifts over to gently nudge him with his elbow instead.]

Well, they're smart. So I'll side with them on this one.

Are you kidding?

They're both idiots.

[ All Triguns are so smooth-brained. ]

They are not! [They are] They're both very sweet and kind, and they care about you a lot, so if they're yelling at you, they probably have a good reason for it.

[I think about how Kaveh has probably only seen Vashwood fight like twice because they behave in trials most of the time]

You can be that, and also be stupid as hell.

I'm counting you in that group. I don't care that you're a big-shot nerd and architect, you're also stupid.

[ Stop lashing out.......... ]

[WOW]

What's that supposed to mean?!

It's exactly what I said.

[ HE'S MEAN!! I'M SORRY!! ]

[HELP LMDKSJHG believe me I wish this was the problem it should be]

How the hell am I stupid?!

[I thought about taking out "the hell" for accuracy but I just can't convey the bristling kitten vibe as well without it]

catchall; wolfwood

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