ohthehumanities | catchall; wolfwood

[Maybe he just needs a college education

But--Kaveh falters for a moment, pushed slightly off-kilter, nudged back toward grim reality. But then his hands curl into fists at his sides, and he shakes his head before he looks Wolfwood in the eye.]

Even if that's true--if there's even the slightest possibility that we can do something to make a difference, I want to make sure you have it. [He so rarely has a chance to show his confidence in this place--even now, it's really more like determination born from a spiteful rejection of fate. Something like a righteous fury burns in his eyes, as though if he had the chance, he would march out tomorrow and intervene by himself. Perhaps there is a reason his team is constantly babysitting him actually,,,] The God of Wisdom and the Light of Kshahrewar are at your disposal, and we certainly aren't going to stand idly by when the people we care about are in danger.

[He's really just here assigning Nahida as a fellow Trigun apologist]

[ This is why he hates dealing with idealists... all of you think you can do everything all of the time, no matter how insane or how impossible. They all go you won't know if you don't try! and it tires him the hell out.

Having something like hope was something he abandoned a long, long time ago. It's painful to have it be dangled in front of his face, a theory that can't be proven. ]

Your sprout goddess hasn't even agreed to do this. Why risk your life for a completely different planet and world when you've got your own to take care of?

Because I care about you.

[He says it with less awkwardness than might be expected, given how he tends to get--given how he's been in this place, especially, considering all of the curses and effects he's had to deal with. But it's an easy thing for him to say because there's nothing else behind it. No push for reciprocity, no burden of expectations. Kaveh will give his heart to anyone who extends a friendly hand in his direction, even though he never stops being shocked when, weeks--months--even years later, he learns that he was viewed with even the slightest bit of fondness.

But none of that is on his mind right now anyway.]

Nahida has no reason to say no. She's much more kind than I am. [Kaveh truly believes, even now, that he is nothing special. That people have a responsibility to help each other. This is personal, yes, and even selfish in a way--but it's not because he's a uniquely good person. He only sets himself apart when it comes to his skill and hard work, not his desire to help people.] Without her power, she may not be able to do anything--and you're right, any ideas we come up with may prove useless in the end. But if I don't even try, then--what's the point of it all?

[...

His shoulders slump the slightest bit, then, and his tone softens.]

Wolfwood--there's a very real possibility I'm not going to make it out of this place. I know that. I'm not the sort of person who can win this kind of game. [...] As long as Nahida makes it back to Teyvat, that will be enough. But I want you three to make it home. And I want that home to be safe. [He has a lot of thoughts and feelings about the idea of "home" to begin with, but he's not going to get into that right now.] If I can do anything at all to make that happen--then I think I could at least be content with whatever end may come here.

[This is such a serious tag and I'm wiping away tears of laughter over the fucking rat chat]

[ RAT! RAT! RAT! ]

I haven't done a single thing for you to feel that way.

[ Unfortunately, Wolfwood ever the pessimist, doesn't actually realise when people care about him. It's one of his bigger flaws -- he's disposable, as is every other human on his planet in the end.

He goes quiet at this admission from Kaveh though. Bitch are you dying this week? Don't... we need our sweet little morale twink... ]

The least you can do is talk like you'll try to survive.

[(aki voice) BOOTS RAT TEETH MAN HAND CAR DOOR

At this point death would be a mercy for him and also me

But Kaveh looks a little annoyed, just for a moment before he pushes it away.]

You don't have to have done anything. Putting everything else aside--no one should need to earn the right to survive. [Nor to be safe and content, he thinks--but he knows enough about their world by now to know that that would sound different from the way he'd intend it.]

But consider it a selfish wish, if you must. [Because he does get it, even if he's rejecting it from Wolfwood, like an annoying hypocrite.] I don't want you to die--can't that be enough?

[As for the rest of it, he just... sighs.]

I'm not saying I'm going to go out and get myself erased tomorrow. There are still things I need to do. And I promised Matsui that I would keep trying, for Buzen's sake. I do still want to find another way. But I'm not going to waste these next few weeks pretending I'm capable of something that I'm not.

[He still doesn't know what he's going to do if he ever gets that fateful call. Even with Nahida to worry about, even with the stakes being what they are--Kaveh is deeply unsure he has it in him to harm anyone here beyond an act of self-defense. And maybe that's a sign that he doesn't want to live badly enough, that he doesn't deserve to be here--but, well. If that's the case, it's not like it would be news to him.]

Too bad that ain't how it works on my planet, then.

[ He doesn't sound particularly bitter about this, but -- it's true that it's basically how a lot of life goes. Not everyone is like that. People in the Numbered Cities might live lives that are very normal.

Not him, though, street dog that he is and always has been. Survival is something he fights tooth and claw for and it's most of what he's ever known.

Survival in this game is also just a wish. Being the toughest person doesn't matter, his body reduced to something no more significant than the next person, and if someone like Shenhe can lose... ]

Fine, but hope for your team's sake that something changes.

[Kaveh does not point out that nothing is going to work on Wolfwood's planet if something doesn't change, mostly because he is not nearly that mean but partly because Wolfwood obviously already knows that.]

I can't eliminate hardship and suffering. If I could do that, Sumeru would be a very different place. [Even Nahida can't do that. And in truth, Kaveh does believe that part of life is enduring pain.] I'm not trying to be some kind of otherworldly hero. But I can't just stand aside.

[And maybe it's arrogant, maybe it's delusional. Maybe all he's doing is making a bad situation worse. But--

Trust me. I know cruel people.

I think a lot of people would leave if it meant they could get a better life. But it's still also our home.

I'm a monster, so it makes sense. I was born one.

--it would take a stronger man than Kaveh to do nothing when they tell him things like that.]

I don't know if you remember, but--I told you once, something Alhaitham said. That no matter how strong of a swimmer someone is, they'll run out of stamina and get dragged under by others sooner or later. He's the sort of person who'd stand on the shore as someone drowns and say he's just respecting their fate.

[He remembers Wolfwood's response, too--and more importantly, what he'd said he had to protect, shortly after.

He shakes his head.]

I'm not saying I can drag you all back to shore. But at least let me hold out my hand for you. Please.

[At least let him try.]

[ He huffs, a low noise of something like irritation if only for Kaveh's idealism. It's familiar still, but it's also something a bit more manageable and more acceptable than Vash's.

If Kaveh would reach out a hand to help someone out on shore, Vash would throw himself into the waves to justify that he hopes he'd drown instead, at the caveat that the person would be saved -- but would accept it if they both lived. It frustrates him to no end, but at least Kaveh knows his boundaries with strangers enough that he can set a clear and at least somewhat reasonable line.

In his allegory, anyway. Wolfwood still thinks suggesting intergalactic or interdimensional travel to save another person's planet after knowing them for one month is kind of batshit, but that's beside the point. ]

Fine, but if we both start sinking, you're gonna have to swim back to land yourself.

[ And make no mistake that if Wolfwood's version of events are indeed separate from Vash's, then Kaveh is heading into a hellish whirlpool. ]

[Listen Kaveh was thinking more along the lines of inventing some kind of device that Wolfwood and the others could take back with them since he thinks he's gonna die here, okay, Wolfwood is the one who decided that Kaveh invited himself to the knife party.

But Kaveh looks genuinely relieved to hear it.]

I'll accept that. Thank you. [For once, he won't apologize.]

[The real win here is that Kaveh didn't have to talk about his own memory because his feelings and problems are so tiny compared to all of this and it would be so embarrassing to act like they're not.]

[ He doesn't know what kind of invention would make Knives calm down except the box that contained Gojou for 3 years.

But he just scoffs, glancing away. ]

Dumbass who thinks it's appropriate to thank somebody for letting them take care of my problems.

[Maybe that's what he'll make then!!! You don't know!!!! Except actually he's going to have to revisit this for (static noises) reasons but he doesn't know that yet.

For now he just huffs like a tsuntsun]

That's not why I'm thanking you!

Uh-huh?

[ Tell him more, Kaveh. ]

[

now he's a little embarrassed because he lost momentum]

Well, it's--you know... I'm the one forcing my way into all of this.

[So it's more like... a thanks for telling him not to fuck off and leave them alone, sort of thing.]

[ Wolfwood is really just so good at killing the vibe. Kaveh why do you hang out with him still? ]

Clearly, you're not gonna take no for an answer.

Just as long as you know what you're tryin' to deal with.

[For five dollars I'll tell you all his stupid thoughts]

Mm. If nothing else, you can trust that I won't take it lightly.

[He doesn't know, really. But after the things he's seen this week, he'll at least have a better understanding of the extent of what he doesn't know. Matsui had gently reminded him of how sheltered his life has been early on, and he hasn't forgotten about it--but it's difficult to grasp what you simply don't know.

Still, if Kaveh has confidence in anything, it's his work ethic and his skill. And he has faith in Nahida, too. He may not be able to guarantee that anything he and Nahida come up with will actually have any impact at all--but if he has his way, he'll send them home with the very best things they can think of.]

I know you won't, but it's a matter of knowing exactly how big the scale is.

[ Because honestly? Not even Wolfwood can fully fathom it, beyond the fact that it's just plain horrifying. ]

Well, that's where Nahida comes in. She's thousands of years old, and she lived through the Archon War. If anyone can think of some failsafes, it will probably be her.

[Kaveh may not be religious the way that they are, but--in situations like this, it's almost a boon, really. It means his faith in Nahida is genuine, and comes from a place of trust, from historical and personal evidence. Solid, tangible trust.]

[ He's a bit quiet at that, if only because. Well, anything living for a thousand years is incomprehensible and a thing of cosmic horror to him, and while Nahida may be the nicest little sprout in the entire universe, it's still something that makes him uneasy and Kaveh can maybe read a little bit of that. ]

If you say so.

[He does see that, and his gaze softens. He reaches out to put a light hand on Wolfwood's arm--just a reassuring touch, only for a moment. He doesn't try to make any over the top declarations or anything; he's said what he wanted to say. All he can do now is prove himself.]

Let's go somewhere else before those pigs come back.

[Also I need you to know that I was typing this tag I had the funniest mental image of siccing Rang on Knives]

[ HELP NOT RANG, KNIVES LIKE WTF IS THIS SASSY LOST CHILD (RANG IS 3x HIS AGE) ]

Fine, yeah. Let's just go.

[ NO MORE PIGS ]

[I JUST THINK UNHINGED VILLAINS INTERACTING IS SO FUNNY

But okok they can go. I want to hit you with another memory at some point but I can free you from this thread bc I'm sure you're swamped post-CYOA SOOTS YOU]

[ YOU CAN HIT ME WITH IT IN THE OTHER THREAD IF YOU WANT IT'LL BE FUNNY ]

catchall; wolfwood

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