ohthehumanities | catchall; wolfwood

[ There's some level of sympathy here because he's not a monster where Kaveh is concerned, but he politely declines with a shake of his head. ]

I don't drink when it's not safe. Doesn't feel right.

[ Kaveh can get a spot of restlessness -- he doesn't like being inebriated when there's tension in the air.

He'll set his cross down next to him and lean on it though, just physically being there. ]

[Kaveh doesn't take offense; he just nods, pulling it back. Surprisingly, it doesn't send any new guilt through him--the idea that he's being reckless--but it's hard to say whether that's out of trust, or if he simply isn't in the mood to care.

He does appreciate the company, though. It feels a little pathetic to be sitting here like this, but, well. Today of all days, he doesn't think he can be judged. (Besides, Kaveh's never claimed to be anything else.)]

...I never told him. [Softly.] That I wasn't angry with him anymore. About last week.

Didn't know you were angry with him.

[ Oh, interpersonal problems. Let it out buddy... ]

I was angry with all of them. But he's the one who told me they'd known. [For a full day before the trial--for only a day before the trial. In hindsight, he'd realized that all three of them were victims too, but in the moment, he'd been furious and devastated, so fixated on Rin's death, on Haru's loss. And between suspecting Rang and D of being the culprits, and having just gone on that "special mission" with Matsui... Buzen was the easiest choice for the brunt of his anger. Especially when the red string made everything feel like such a personal betrayal.] Even after D died, I told him... I told him I thought he should've tried harder.

[He'd been so grateful for a little space, once Monday came. And then he'd gotten caught up in other things--in the stupid belief that he'd have time.]

Oh, about that.

[ Okay, yeah. That makes sense. Wolfwood wasn't particularly pissed about that either, but like. He likes Buzen Gou, he made the decision to come clean, he can't fault anybody for that. This is stuff he can say because the damage wasn't personal to him yet.

He's silent about that. There's really not a lot he can say or do for the people left behind alive in the wake of a death. Sometimes, people are left with their grief, and the person they're grieving over is the one they wanted to talk about it with the most. ]

It isn't as if I know him that well, nor do I speak for him or anything like that, but... I think he'd understand.

[He would have, probably. Kaveh makes a sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh and takes another drink.]

I wish he wouldn't. It would be easier if he'd been cruel.

[He says this, but Rang is out here running around and Kaveh doesn't hate him either, like a BIG FAT CARING BABY.]

Yeah.

[ Wolfwood does understand that, at least. Cruelty is a kindness, sometimes. ]

Never seen a non-human love humanity that much -- well, I guess that's not true.

[It doesn't strike him as an odd thing to say, since--well, Nahida's right there, and she's far from the only non-human in Teyvat. Even so:]

I'd heard of object spirits like him. But I never met any myself until we got here. At least, not any that could talk.

They don't exist on my planet. Pretty sure at least.

[ So the Gous were a first. Non-humans for him means a different sort of thing. ]

[Hmmm. Kaveh ponders that as he drinks, thinking over what Wolfwood's told him about his planet. Thinking about this place.]

Maybe that's for the best. [It seems so cruel, knowing that even objects can have hearts that break.]

...I dunno. They were still a lot more human than a lot of faces on No Man's Land.

[ The standards are really low. ]

Maybe it's for the best. Or maybe it could've been better with guys like them.

[Ah, that's true. He hadn't considered that perspective.

He's quiet for a little while, contemplating that.]

...I didn't know him that well. [He says, finally. They were red-stringed last week, but it's not like Kaveh interrogated him the whole time.] But I think he was the sort who would've liked to go different places. Just to see them, or to help, if he could.

He stuck his neck out to apologise on behalf of his team even though it's got nothing to do with him. Even though it got him hated by a few people.

[ Maybe even got him killed in the end. ]

...He thought it would be nice if a sword spirit like him could get to go to heaven.

[There's a fresh wave of guilt, at that--sharp and astringent, like bitter medicine. He's one of those people, after all.

He takes another drink. A longer one, this time.]

What's it like for you? Heaven.

[He wants to know what Buzen was picturing, when he said that. What "heaven" means to them, since it's certainly not what it means in Teyvat.]

Edited (hit enter too soon oops) 2023-07-03 07:31 (UTC)

[ He expected that, though his point was that Buzen isn't stupid. It wasn't just some bid to garner pity from others, turn tail and beg mercy. It was genuine honesty, a dying commodity in their world.

And if Kaveh could just understand that about him, then maybe it'd be better. ]

You mean for me, personally, or what it's supposed to be like in our good book?

[It's something to dwell on over time--which he will, because Kaveh is the sort to grip a glass shard tighter, rather than letting it go. But maybe in a few days, he'll be able to look back on it with a little more clarity.]

Both, or either. [Whichever.]

It's supposed to be a good afterlife.

Paradise, they call it -- God's kingdom where the good and virtuous get to go.

[ That's really all he has to say about it. ]

[Kaveh considers that, quietly, his gaze distant. The sense of mourning coming from him now is mixed with something older, deeper.

Eventually, softly:] It sounds nice.

...Yeah.

[ And he decides maybe he should just leave it at that for Kaveh's sake. ]

catchall; wolfwood

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