ohthehumanities | catchall; wolfwood

[you :handshake: aki
memorizing a particular show that is massively meme'd except his is spongebob]

If they do, I'll pay you $5 in heartfelt apology. [Does he even have $5? A mystery.] Hold still.

[Wolfwood probably doesn't need the warning, so it's more of a verbal head's up than anything, but he will start trimming after that! The ever-present negativity is even fainter, now, replaced by a calm focus. His hands are, fortunately, very steady, and he's gentle with his touches when he needs a different angle. He's definitely not a professional, but he's not trying anything fancy, so it won't look bad, which is tragic because it would be SO funny if he ended up with a terrible haircut after all of this.]

[ Help... I want to binge watch Fairly Odd Parents, truly unhinged content.

Well, at least he's REALLY good at being shock still. He accepts the little snips of hair that returns his range of vision at least a little somewhat. I realise for this he will have had to take off his sunglasses so this is a rare moment. He's chilling though. Closing his eyes when the front fringe is trimmed, etc. ]

I'm actually going to hold you to that, you know that?

[OMG YES top tier content.

Also wow, exposed eyeballs... lewd... at this rate someone's going to flash an ankle and they're going to have to get married to avoid scandal.]

And if I never leave my warehouse? [How are you gonna debt collect when you can't get in huh]

[ No Vashwood. Only Kavehwood. ]

I'll blow up your phone, or send you your god as a collector.

[We'll be burned at the stake for the grave sin of homewrecking

But also, with complete confidence as he finishes up--]

She'd protect me.

Then I guess I'll just blow up your phone.

[ JUST SETTLES FOR THIS. ]

[He's so amused by this because IF YOU DO THAT HE CAN'T SEND YOU THE MONEY!! WOLFWOOD YOU MORON]

I believe they call that "cutting off your nose to spite your face." [He punctuates that with a light rap of his knuckle against Wolfwood's nose, then steps back.] Take a look, tell me what you think.

[ IT'S BLOW UP (SAYING) NOT BLOW UP (EXPLOSIVE) ]

First time I ever heard of that one.

[ Why does literally everyone go after his nose this much, this is literally at least the third time his nose has been attacked in this week alone. He wrinkles it a bit, but looks in the mirror.

Cool, nice. Still looks like himself, just a bit cleaner and fresher. ]

Looks good.

[ Local guy really will just be like yeah whatever it looks good. ]

[Oh I just assumed Wolfwood would immediately devolve into violence

But he looks very pleased with himself.]

Of course! [At least he thinks Wolfwood is just "meh whatever" because of his difficult life, so he's more gracious. Otherwise he would complain.] It's been a while since I've cut anyone's but my own, but it's not that difficult once you understand the basics. And you have a nice face shape, so it was easy to work with.

[#Just weird architect things: noticing shapes everywhere]

Thanks, I'm just going to assume that's a compliment.

[ The wonders a haircut does, like making it so that his fringe doesn't bounce off his frames. Which he puts those back on. ]

It's not like I can't cut hair, just don't really consider... shapes, or whatever else goes into these things.

It is.

[As he does, Kaveh goes searching for a broom, since he is a mess of a person, not in general.]

Mm. It wasn't something I put a lot of thought into either, for a long time. When I was a student, I was far too busy to care. [A little nostalgia, there, though it's bittersweet.] I probably had glue in my hair more than any kind of nice products.

What a studious kid.

[ School this, study that, he's noting that Kaveh tends to mention it a lot. ]

What inspired you so much to go? Just a passion you always had?

Mm, in a way. Both of my parents were scholars, and my mother was an architect, so you could say I followed in her footsteps. [There's a pang of guilt and loneliness, there, though he ignores it.] Sumeru is a nation of scholars in general, though. The Akademiya is a core element of Sumeru's prosperity--if you throw a stone in the city, you'll probably hit ten at once.

[Sometimes you live in a (bass boosted) college town.]

[ Sumeru is just UC Davis... ]

We'd probably benefit from people actually wanting to learn that much. Sure, a couple of smarties here and there, but a majority get overlooked.

Don't have the kind of money or access to get to go to university.

[That's fair. Even the Akademiya isn't free; he knows all too well about the challenges of money, and how fortunate he'd been.]

If they get the chance, tell them not to go into architecture.

[Kaveh loves his job.]

Well, don't go into insurance, then.

[ Wolfwood doesn't even do insurance. ]

[HELP this is so funny. Kaveh doesn't even understand what Wolfwood's referencing, but he shudders, his entire energy very abruptly souring.]

Believe me, I won't. [Gee Kaveh a little touchy about money are we]

Oh, someone's had a bad run-in.

[ Spill the tea sis. ]

[There's--an oddly complicated spike of emotion: fear, first, bright and powerful, followed by shame--then anger, though it quickly melts into a softer, resigned sort of disgruntlement.]

I just--do a lot of work with investors, that's all. There's no shortage of ways a project can go wrong, but monetary issues are some of the most common. It's a nightmare to work with, sometimes.

[And sure, Sumeru may be more socialist than anything else--but that doesn't mean there's no greed or wealth inequality. It's especially grating to someone like Kaveh, who is incapable of holding onto anything if someone else could use it more.]

[ Wow, okay. Sorry for asking. ]

I don't usually deal in enough money to get into those level of concerns. It does sound like a pretty big pain in the ass, though.

Remember the insurance girls were in town once for a statue insured for five billion double dollars. The hell do you do with that kind of money?

[ Spoiler alert, the statue got fucked. ]

[Sometimes... you are emotional and also (static noises)

At least that distracts him, though, his brow furrowing.]

The--what? [Insurance girls? Statue?? BILLION DOUBLE DOLLARS?????]

It was in some town we passed by, built by an idiot with a bunch of stolen cash he'd taken twenty-ish years ago according to my employer at the time. Huge ego move, building a giant golden statue of yourself. And then just a stupid, paranoid move on top of that to get it insured for five billion.

[ He did say double dollars yes you did not mishear him. ]

[The way Kaveh is just looking so offended right now]

Wait--of himself? With stolen money?!

Yep.

[ Isn't the world of Trigun so funny? Although Badlands Rumble is more '98 continuity, Hei and I agreed to include the general gist of it into our TriMax timeline. So it's canon knowledge now. ]

[This is so funny I support you

Meanwhile Kaveh is now enemies with this man he's never met]

I can't stand rich people.

catchall; wolfwood

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